The Curious Escapades of Dee Dee the Cat

A Cat Rescuer Rants

2011-10-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

Free to a good home!

Moving - must find home for cat!

Hair and fur balls too much. Come take my family member!

Didn't bother to get my cat fixed. Free kittens!

My partner and I rescue cats - old cats, sick cats, feral cats, abused cats, and cats with complex health needs. We see each and every day the impact of irresponsible people, so perhaps the all too common pleas to rid of one's cat makes me a bit bitter.

My partner and I spend hours each day tending to our fur children - cleaning more litter boxes than you could even imagine, putting down paper (after all, not all kitties like litter!), socializing ferals, feeding wet food in the morning and evenings, topping up dry food and water, giving medications and subcutaneous fluids, cleaning up fur balls, searching out hidden poo and pee, running tap water for those cats who insist this is how they like their fluids, sweeping and scrubbing the floors, clipping nails, intercepting love triangles, going to our regular vet and the emergency vet clinic, grooming and shaving, handing out treats so we can try and make a tiny bit of room for ourselves on the bed, arranging steps so that older cats can climb onto favourite sleeping spots, and giving baths.

We do this on top of our regular full time paid employment (since our vet doesn't seem to accept fur balls as payment) plus other commitments.

But this is not a pity party. We chose to do what we do because it's needed. People neglect animals, abandon them, and physically abuse them. (In the case of Chocos who we thankfully rescued via a wonderful rescuer woman who now lives in the Lower Mainland, some people choose to kill their healthy cat because they are moving. So much for a forever home!)

We offer forever homes, and specialize in cats that wouldn't otherwise be adopted. This means we accept cats from other rescuers, period. Sure, some people would love to give us their cat to alleviate their guilt (and having to confess why they are abandoning their cat to a shelter: "I don't have time!" "I'm moving" "We are trying to get pregnant" ). This would be easy. And nothing about rescue is easy.

We currently have 14 cats. We have had as many as 21.

In the past 5 years we have had to euthanize 9 cats (Chance, Chocos, Christmas, Jaylo, Jinx, Roxy, Shadow, Spunky and Vinnie) due to kidney failure or cancer. Each time we make the decision to euthanize them a part of my heart is torn out, never to be replaced.

On Friday October 7, 2011, at 5 a.m., I woke up to find Chance listless on the bathroom floor. Chance had advanced liver failure and up until then, had shown no signs. (After all, her vegan mom and dad were cooking her bacon, hamburger and salmon; based upon similar methods we have tried with terminal cats, it has always been successful.) On October 7th, Chance didn't acknowledge me, nor could she move. I brought her into bed with us until 8 a.m. when the vet opened, so that she could be euthanized at a place that did not previously appear to frighten her. I stroked her and tried not to cry as she stopped breathing when the euthanasia was administered. I could hear my partner's heart breaking.

Unlike other cats I have sat beside or cuddled as they died, she did not defecate, urinate, or shudder post-mordem. She did not gasp for air. As one cat died in my arms, she peed all over my jacket. It took me a long time to be able to wash and wear it again. A terrible memory, but a memory of a loved one all the same.

This is what people who abandon their animals leave to others to witness and experience.

We didn't wake up one day and think "Hey, let's add a ton of work and heart break to our lives". There was a cat (Dee Dee) who had been abused, and a rescuer, after carefully screening us, allowed this wonderful cat into out lives. Quite quickly, cats with awful histories and high needs ended up in our forever home. We knew that was what was needed.

So we have trapped and rescued three ferals so far (who didn't have a colony and thus would not have survived on their own), taken in a wandering neighbourhood cat with inverted eye lids causing excruciating pain and infection and paid for his eye surgery and neutering, rescued two cats kept in cages (one cat didn't even have enough room to groom her back, so she had extensive mats), taken in cats who needed daily medication (thus decreasing their likelihood of adoption), nursed a seizuring cat back to health, and even rescued a cat who spent a year at a shelter because he had two different coloured eyes. (Seriously? Does that not make him even more awesome?) With each cat comes a story, a personality, and a place in our hearts.

So before you hesitate to spay/neuter your cat (or want your cat to experience the joys of motherhood - because part of that "joy" is ensuring other already existing cats don't have homes), choose to abandon your fur companion in a midnight move or because you can't deal with fur balls, or otherwise break your promise of a loving, forever home, know this: Just like humans, cats can carry around life long trauma. They are triggered, just like traumatized people, and react with fear - to loud voices, persons of the same gender who abused them, etc. They are traumatized by losing their human companions, and they grieve.

And if you want to "dump" your cat on me or any other rescuer or shelter, think about this. Most of our cats (who are 15 years old +) have had between $2000-$4000 worth of dental work, need to see the vet 2-4 times a year at $100-$300 a pop (yearly and bi-yearly geriatric blood panels are necessary and cost around $250), may need life long medication and vitamins (much like many other humans do) and this all costs money.

My partner and I (and other rescuers) do this as a labour of love. Neither of us have well-paying jobs, and my experience is is that this is true of other rescuers.

So give your fur family member a cuddle, promise you will always be there for her/him, keep him/her indoors, and make sure she/he is SPAYED OR NEUTERED.

Cats are more work than one might think, and while they are worth every moment and every dollar, please do not adopt an animal unless you can promise a forever home.

***Important footnote:

The situations described in this rant do not encompass all situations.

As a feminist, anti-violence and animal liberation activist, I have seen women flee abusive relationships only to be treated poorly by animal shelters/rescuers (e.g. who won't offer temporary foster care - EVEN WHEN I OFFERED TO PAY FOR IT - because 'these' women are considered too "unreliable" or "incapable" of caring for their fur companions); as well, most domestic violence shelters cannot or will not offer animal accommodations.

There are also situations where people are incarcerated. Once again, without community (including familial supports) these persons are left without the resources to place their beloved fur family members in a temporary loving home.

This rant is NOT meant for those whose situations seperate them from (sometimes) the most important being in their lives. This rant is NOT meant to hurt or denigrate these persons.

Rather, I argue that most people who are not in these positions treat their fur companions like throw aways, and don't think or care about the long term relationship. THIS is who I am directing this rant at.

Letter to Mayor Sharon Shepherd (Kelowna, BC)

2011-10-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

A follow up from my blog post here, I have recently found out that Kelowna Mayor Sharon Shepherd has issued an anti-choice proclamation. (See here and here). This is the letter I have sent her:

October 14, 2011

Dear Mayor Sharon Shepherd

RE: 4^th Consecutive “Protect Human Life” (Pro-life) Proclamation

I am writing as a woman who currently lives in Edmonton but who lived in Kelowna from 1993 until 2006. Specifically, I am writing as someone who lived in Kelowna at 14 years of age, and found herself facing an unplanned pregnancy.

Before I begin my story, I would like to say that I am deeply saddened by your proclamation, while also understanding that you are in a difficult position. I lived in Kelowna when the previous Mayor refused to issue an LGBT Pride proclamation. I do not know your own personal opinions on reproductive choices, but I do know that at one point you stated you would be issuing more proclamations, perhaps so that you would be able to tackle homo/bi/transphobic responses to your commitment to diversity.

As well, before I explain the importance of reproductive choice in my own life, I would like to say that I voted for you because I believed you cared about issues affecting women and other marginalized populations. Unlike many other public officials, I saw you regularly support not for profits and challenge the status quo. I saw you as a caring Mayor, and I still do.

Which is why your continual “Protect Human Life” proclamation upsets me.

When I was 14 years old, I went to Kelowna Secondary School at the old site (on Harvey Avenue). Fearing I might be pregnant, I went to the walk in clinic immediately beside the high school where I am sure many other teenagers went to find out if they were pregnant. My worst fears were confirmed. I know that a number of girls and women face similar situations, and have a variety of experiences (and make different choices), but when I was told that I was pregnant by the doctor, I knew right there and then that I needed to have an abortion. I expressed this and the doctor told me that abortion was unavailable and illegal in Canada. He handed me a list of OB/GYN doctors and went on to his next patient. I was devastated.

I spent a lot of time thinking about various options, and believe my desire to terminate the pregnancy was an informed choice (other than being lied to by the doctor). I thought long and hard about parenting and adoption, and investigated and weighed each option. I thought about what would be best for me, and my pregnancy. Still, I believed (and still believe) that abortion was the right option for me.

As abortions were not available in Kelowna at the time, and because I had been lied to by the walk in clinic doctor, I tried to abort myself. I drank alcohol until I passed out. I hit myself in the stomach, leaving bruises. I tried inserting objects into my cervix. The physical pain was great, yet still did not match the emotional pain I experienced at being forced to carry a pregnancy I did not want.

As a 14 year old, I did not know that there were places I could go to receive all options. So instead, I called local“pro-life” agencies which instilled in me that abortion was immoral and dangerous. Since I so desperately wanted to end my pregnancy I believed I too was immoral and attempted on numerous occasions to kill myself.

Eventually, through the Yellow Pages I learned that the doctor at the walk in clinic had in fact lied to me, and that abortion services were available in Vancouver. Unfortunately, as I did not receive this option (amongst all pregnancy options) I had to have a second trimester abortion. This involved a doctor inserting something into my cervix the night before the procedure. It was, however, less painful than my own attempts at abortion.

I had my abortion at a clinic surrounded by protesters who called me a murderer. Adults yelled at a scared teenager as I crossed the picket line.

Was I a murderer? An evil, immoral person? Did I deserve the verbal abuse and physical intimidation? For years, I thought I did. Thus, I attempted suicide many more times, not because I wasn't confident in my choice to abort my pregnancy, but because the protesters', Kelowna “pro-life” agencies' and doctor's voices filled my head.

Next year, you will likely be asked to proclaim “Protect Human Life” week which reads “It is the intention of this proclamation to promote respect and protection of all human life, especially the infirm, the aged, the handicapped and the unborn.”

I only ask that when you are presented with this request that you question whether I, as a pregnant 14 year old, also deserved to live.

Sincerely,

(name and address removed because it is the internet silly!)

Anti-Choice Ads in Edmonton (Alberta)

2011-10-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Anti-choice ads have been placed in LRT (rapid transit) stations here in Edmonton. (See here and here and here and here).

I believe their intention is to guilt women into not having abortions as well as encourage women to contact one of their "pregnancy care centres" or call their toll free number (1 800 665 0570) so that women can hear misinformation about their reproductive choices and what abortion actually is. (By the way, they will NOT refer you to abortion services, no matter what. Knowing that having a 1800 number costs them money, I occassionally/gleefully call it asking for referrals to abortion providers).

There are a myriad of opinions on abortion and I am okay with that. But what I'm NOT okay with is someone's beliefs interfering with my reproductive choices, whether that be abortion, parenting or adoption.

It is true that most fetuses will continue to gestate and become babies. This is not misinformation. But the LRT ads are tacky, one sided and as one Facebooker pointed out, potentially and unnecessarily triggering to some women who have had abortions.

So here is my solution for alternate ads:

Facing an unplanned pregnancy? Call or visit a local agency which will provide emotional and practical support, and ACCURATE information on all choices available to you. In Edmonton, this includes Options Sexual Health Association, the Birth Control Centre and Woman's Health Options. (Woman's Health Options, bless them, also provides abortion services).

Let women decide what is right for their bodies and circumstances, and trust women to make the right choice for themselves, whatever that choice may be.

Why am I so passionate about this issue?

Well, when I was 14 years old or so I had my first abortion. I lived in a city where anti-choice was the norm. In fact, I heard years later that doctors no longer performed abortion services in this city due to the the harassment they and their kids experienced. So I guess it was unsurprising when I visited a walk in clinic to find out whether or not I was pregnant and the doctor (located next to the high school) informed me abortion wasn't available and wasn't legal in Canada and gave me a list of ob/gyns to assist me in carrying my pregnancy even though I told him over and over I wanted an abortion.

The doctor's response made me attempt self-abortion techniques too gruesome to be described here. I thought about suicide, took every illegal drug I knew with the hopes of terminating the pregnancy and hated myself for wanting to do something that must have been so awful that it was illegal in Canada.

I contacted a "pregnancy care centre" and was told that abortion was murder. So while I attempted to abort my pregnancy myself, I made sure I did so in particularly punishing ways - ways that could have caused very serious issues. After all, I was a murderer!

I also went to the public library to find out everything I could about abortion. There was one book (anti-choice) filled with graphic images and misinformation about what actually occurs during an abortion. I reviewed and absorbed these images and in fact tore out the pictures, carrying them in my wallet to torture myself for being such a bad person.

At some point I actually looked in the yellow pages and to my surprise discovered there was in fact an abortion clinic a 5hour drive away. I don't think I was thrilled but I was definitely relieved. But then I ran into problems. How could I call them without incurring long distance charges that my parents would notice? And how would I get there?

By this time I was in my 2nd trimester, thanks to the lying doctor who confirmed I was pregnant. So while the procedure was still pretty simple and safe, it was a bit more complicated than if I had aborted in my 1st trimester. My cervix had to be opened the day before (OUCH!) but I dealt by (afterwards) drinking peaches soaked in beer. I was also extra horrified because at this stage of the pregnancy, as my ripped out pages informed me, my fetus looked so much more like a "baby".

I made it to Vancouver where I met a counsellor at the abortion clinic who spoke with me about my feelings, options, and what to expect, all the while assessing that this was my decision and no one was pressuring me into it.

On the day of the procedure, I crossed an angry picket line (a woman called me a murderer; another told me that it wasn't too late to change my mind). I felt ashamed. Now, I feel pissed off.

After the abortion, I fell into a deep depression not because the abortion itself was traumatic but because of all of the anti-choice messages I was hearing. I could hear the voices of the protesters and the lying doctor. I looked at the pictures of the aborted fetuses daily. I journalled letters to my "dead baby" apologizing for my decision. Which makes me wonder, when women feel traumatized by abortionh, how much of this is caused by anti-choice lies? But I digress.

The good thing about this experience is that I was introduced to feminism. Had I not been terrorized by anti-choicers I may not have become aware of how their activism hurts women. I may not have realised the importance of choice. And I probably wouldn't have started looking into the history of reproductive rights activism.

I had a second abortion in my late teens/early 20s and it was a much different experience. I went in knowing it was my right, what to expect, and all of the options available to me (and the information was accurate!) This abortion was performed in a hospital without protesters, and even if there were, I believe I would have felt comfortable yelling back at them.

I still have the pictures of the aborted fetuses I ripped out of the library book to remind me why I am a feminist, and why pro-choice activism is so important. These pictures no longer cause me pain or grief. Rather, I am proud I made the right decision for myself, even with the anti-choice pressure.

DSM-V: PTSD, Personality Disorders and Gender Identity Disorder

2010-04-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is published by the American Psychiatric Association, and is a primary tool in diagnosing mental health conditions, such as depression, schizophrenia, etc.

Basically, it establishes the "criteria" people need to meet in order to obtain a specific diagnosis. These DSM diagnoses can be used for workplace and academic accommodations, medical leave, disability benefits, as well as treatment options.

Similar to psychiatry in general, the DSM has a controversial history. In 1973, it removed "homosexuality" as a mental "disorder"; and in the 1994 edition, Post traumatic Stress Disorder was changed to more accurately reflect the prevalence of interpersonal violence (including domestic violence and sexual abuse) by removing from the definition of trauma "an event that is outside the range of usual human experience."

Unfortunately, given the statistics we have on sexualized and domestic violence, trauma is very much inside the range of usual human experience.

The section on "Personality Disorders" has been highly criticized. For instance, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is thought by some (including myself) to be a modern version of "Hysteria". Indeed, they both are highly diagnosed in women, are often the result of an abusive childhood, and tend to pathologize people versus seeking and treating the source of their symptoms.

There is a new DSM coming out (DSM-V) and I hope that BPD will be replaced by some sort of PTSD-like addition, which recognizes that people are impacted differently by interpersonal violence (versus a car accident or natural disaster), as well as ongoing trauma (such as domestic violence) particularly in early developmental years (e.g. childhood abuse).

Various communities disagree in their criticism or support of various diagnosis. For instance, Gender Identity Disorder is the "diagnosis" of transpeople and is viewed by some to be problematic in the same way that homosexuality in previous DSMs pathologized and "othered" something that is perfectly normal and healthy. However, it has also been pointed out that without some sort of "official" diagnosis legitimizing that one is transgender and that living in the wrong gender can be emotionally distressing, treatments such as hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery may not be covered by health care benefits.

The DSM-V continues to bring additional controversies. Trans groups have been criticizing some of the members of the DSM-V Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Work Group, including its chair, Dr. Kenneth Zucker, and Dr. Ray Blanchard.

Dr. Kenneth Zucker's work with children and adolescents has been highly controversial. He works with youth with the intention of aligning them with the gender others view them as, versus their own identity. His work has included taking away toys he views as inconsistent with the child's gender, even to the point of the child's distress. Rather than work with families and youth to deal with potential challenges that may arise due to society's fear and hatred of people who are non-gender conforming, Dr. Zucker simply reinforces binary gender roles.

Dr. Zucker's "reparative" therapies are strikingly similar to ex-gay or conversion therapies that seek to change a person's sexual orientation. The American Psychiatric Association, American Psychological Association, American Medical Association, American Counseling Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, and (US) National Association of Social Workers all condemn ex-gay therapies, with various groups noting that not only are they ineffective, but that they can cause emotional distress, including depression, guilt, anxiety, and self-destructive behaviours. (For more information on ex-gay therapies, visit Truth Wins Out).

How someone who has a clear bias towards gender conforming behaviour, it is frightening that Dr. Zucker is not only a member of the DSM-V Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders Work Group, but he is the chair.

Dr. Ray Blanchard also sits on this working committee, assigned to the Paraphilias portion. This too is problematic because Dr. Blanchard doesn't view transgenderism as a gender identity issue but rather, that it is based on sexuality - specifically, a man's being turned on by the thought of being a woman. He created a word for this (autogynephilia) and needless to say, this is really insulting to transpeople.

I am not sure if there are any transpeople on the working group, and if any consultation was done with trans communities. My guess is that this is a group of either mostly or exclusively privileged cisgender men who are making decisions that could drastically impact trans communities. What a surprise.

Celebrating an Activist

2010-04-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

These past few years, I have lost contact with an extraordinary woman - Diane. Her emails and letters bounce back, not only from myself but others, and many of us are sad to think that she may have passed on.

I was thinking about her today because I believe we need more activists like Diane - individuals willing to agitate for positive change for the sake of positive change - not public recognition or wanting to appear trendy. We also need more people willing to stick their neck out, without worrying about who they may offende.

I met Diane over six years ago, and at that time she was in her 70s. When I had a chance to visit her, she would tell me incredible labour activism stories, including harsh tactics employed against a manager who viciously dehumanized and oppressed largely racialized women employees. Tactics like the ones she described would immediately brand someone a "terrorist" or at the very least get them arrested in this day and age; but they were effective, and Diane would settle for nothing less.

When I met Diane, she was Blind and used a motorized wheelchair. She was active in disAbility rights movements and worked towards full accessibility for all. She campaigned relentlessly against sandwich board signs on sidewalks, a hazard for people who are Blind, Deaf-Blind and partially sighted. She also fought for her local recreation board to be accessible to all People with disAbilities.

Diane worked with numerous human rights and disAbility organizations, such as the BC Human Rights Defenders, BC Paraplegic Association, the Raging Grannies and Alliance for Equality of Blind Canadians, amongst others. She helped form a group called "Access Awareness" which worked toward fully accessibility in the Lower Mainland (BC), and was particularly concerned and vocal about the dangers LRT stations (without any sort of barrier between the passenger area and the tracks) created for people who are Blind, Deaf-Blind and partially sighted.

Along with other Raging Grannies, Diane was nearly arrested for singing to BC Premier Gordon Campbell. When he was first elected as Premier, Gordon called for a review of everyone receiving disability benefits (contributing to huge amounts of stress, and insinuating that people with disAbilities were liars) and also slashed and burned funding to sexual assault centres, women's centres and addiction treatment centres. (Note: Soon after he became Premier, he was arrested for drunk driving in Hawaii, an extra slap in the face when he said he would participate in alcohol treatment - something even less people would have access to because of his funding cuts).

Diane also provided support to recently disAbled people in a direct and honest way. While some of her directness may have (erroneously) come off as lacking compassion, Diane wanted people to know that they could still be independent and have a disAbility, and that they needed to start that process now.

My fondest memories of Diane include her critical emails to Jack Layton, head of Canada's NDP political party. I believe Diane viewed herself as an NDP supporter, but that didn't mean she didn't regularly critique their disAbility policies. In fact, Diane was known for shit-disturbing within organizations she supported; she expected nothing less than a total commitment to human rights.

She would cc her emails to Jack Layton to every disability organization and person she thought might be interested. And in her back and forth emails, we would all get to see both Diane's and Jack's responses. I get a sense that Jack was a bit frightened of Diane; he certainly didn't want to piss her off. And he was right to be frightened. If Diane took up a cause, she gave it 110%; you didn't want to be her enemy!

Perhaps Diane's greatest legacy was her push for independent thought. Regardless of the group or work she was involved with, she was never afraid to be critical and cause a ruckus. She fought paternalism and dependence in disAbility groups, and subsequently was very critical of the CNIB. She didn't want Blind people dependent on service agencies, but rather, to work together, to learn together, to be their own experts, and to fight the fundamental root of ableism - attitudinal discrimination and prejudice, including the ideas that having a disAbility is worse than death or that people with disAbilities are innately "brave" through the act of waking up every morning. (Diane writes about this here).

I truly hope that Diane is still kicking around somewhere, stirring up trouble and I am honoured to have met a modern day Lucy Eldine Gonzalez Parsons. Last time I spoke to Diane, she was in Ontario. And while I dread the thought of Diane in a nursing home somewhere, I can see her organizing and unionizing all the workers.

Educate me! (But not if you are angry or say things I disagree with)

2010-03-30T10:07:00.001-07:00

Some great (and not so great) discussion on various feminist and trans blogs. Gudbuytjane writes about transmisogyny in a Lady Gaga video here. Great, thought-provoking post, and some pretty thoughtless comments (which she dissects here).

You can read the comments below her post, but basically they can be summed up as:

- You are being oversensitive, and seeing things that aren't there.
- You are too angry.
- Educate me! (But don't challenge me)
- I'm cisgender but I don't experience privilege.
- Transpeople must educate me. (I can't possibly listen and learn all by myself.)

And so on...

These are pretty typical comments also used against People of Colour, feminists, women and People with disAbilities (and so forth). And they are used to not only dismiss criticism and challenges but to put the focus on people with privilege (and their needs/desires).

As a white woman, I have learned that when a Person of Colour says something is racist, they are probably right. And as a cisgender woman, I have learned, also, to believe transpeople when they call something transphobic and/or transmisogynist.

A lot of wasted energy is used defending one's privilege - energy that should be used to educate oneself (and not expecting others to do it for us).

Blogs created by transpeople are a great opportunity for self-education, provided cisgender people stop arguing and start listening.

For some other blogs and websites on transphobia and transmisogyny, visit:
Questioning Transphobia
Taking Steps
AlbertaTrans.org
Survivor Project

What A Woman Must Do by Ursula Rucker

2010-03-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

Women Deserve Better by Sonya Renee

2010-03-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

Patriarchy enforcers

2010-03-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

"You look great!" "You are so skinny!" "How did you do that?" and a host of other exclamations and questions are fairly typical responses to weight loss.

I view them as patriarchy enforcers, both largely directed towards and said by women.

I don't blame women for this, however. Personally, I think it's about women's own body insecurities (thanks patriarchal capitalism!), feeling that they themselves need to look a certain away. And while excitement about someone's body size may be authentic, I always think there is the second, unspoken part of the response, and that is "how does this woman compare to me?"

Women and girls have been brutally conditioned to compare themselves to others in a hierarchy of "attractiveness". Some women who do this may participate in anti-fat phobic and other feminist activism. They may even identify as lovers of fat bodies.

Unfortunately, this conditioning is so strong that this comparison is so automatic and instantaneous. But it can also be immediately challenged, and that is what fat activism is all about.

I think my new thin privilege (and constant reminders that I should never be fat again) has caused me to become even angrier about the loathing many women and girls have towards their bodies.

And with my thin privilege (and patriarchal reinforcing comments that I now look "great"), I recognize a third part of the comments/questions and that is "You looked ugly when you were fat. You took up too much space. I've noticed your weight loss and I will notice when you gain!"

I believe that all of us, with our different body shapes and sizes can speak out against these patriarchal enforcers (even if it is only within our own minds):

People come in all shapes.
People of all sizes can be healthy.
Because I have lost weight doesn't mean I am taking care of myself.
Because I am fat doesn't mean I don't.
Please don't enforce fat phobia, directed towards me or yourself.
We can all love our bodies and smash anything that says otherwise.

Exercise bad? Weight loss good?

2010-03-13T05:58:00.000-08:00

The Edmonton Journal recently ran a series on the "obesity epidemic", arguing that being fat (or in their words "overweight" and "obese") is linked to how much food one eats and that exercise is less helpful than restricting food intake in "losing weight". Because "losing weight" is what matters. And all that matters.

I am fearful that this messaging underscores the importance of exercise in feeling good about oneself. We know that physical activity plays an important role in mental health (e.g. exercise can be helpful to people with depression, anxiety, and is also helpful in managing stress). And the Journal's focus underscores the idea that we can be healthy at any weight/size.

Unfortunately, weight loss has once again been promoted as a paramount goal versus becoming healthy and/or loving our bodies (at all shapes and sizes).

I believe that physical activity (whether it is yoga, going for walks, riding a bike, playing with one's kids, engaging in sports, or doing whatever else is fun for a person) as well as changing one's focus to body love and acceptance is much more helpful, healthy and realistic than yo yo dieting, feeling body shame, and buying into fat phobic messages that being fat means one is unhealthy.

What would it look like if society was not fat phobic? What if all body shapes and sizes were found beautiful? What if fat people weren't discriminated against, judged as lazy and as lacking self control? What if the diet industry crumbled due to people focusing on feeling good about themselves, at all shapes and sizes?

I have been fat and fit, regularly going to the gym and enjoying my body's strength and ability to run. I have also been thin and unhealthy, physically weak and obsessed with my caloric intake to the point of not enjoying the things that really matter in my life.

I am a therapist and one "goal" many of my clients identify in counselling is "losing weight". At a very young age, people (especially girls) internalize the messaging that fat is ugly, undesirable, and something to be ridiculed. This is contrary to the fact that we all have different genetic dispositions, metabolic rates, and so forth. I look at my own body. When I hit my 30s, it became my mother's body. I used to carry fat on my thighs. Now, similar to my mom, my fat resides on my tummy, no matter how much exercise I do. At times, I have felt embarrassed about this. Other times, I celebrate my womanly body and how it matches the body shapes of the wonderful women in my family.

Health cannot be measured by BMI's. We can be fat and be active, strong and healthy. And when we include psychological health into the "health" equation, I fail to see how body weight and diet obsession is healthy.

I wish that we as a society (and as individuals) would focus on supporting people to feel good about their bodies at all shapes and sizes. That we would stop pathologizes people we deem "overweight" or "obese".

That, my friends, would be truly revolutionary.

2010-02-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

meow.
meow meow meow meeeeeowwwwwwwww.

All Women Work Environments

2010-02-15T22:06:00.000-08:00

I work in an all-woman job environment. As such, I am acutely aware that there are a lot of assumptions about working with women. Assumptions such as women are "back stabbers", "gossipers", "can't get along with each other" and so forth.

And while I certainly know women who work in toxic all women or mostly women environments, and by no means want to dismiss or minimize their experiences, I would like to differentiate between anti-oppressive environments, and hierarchical all woman workplaces.

As well, I would like to challenge the idea that women are innately difficult to work with, but rather, that the patriarchy (and other oppressions, such as classism, heterosexism, homo/bi/transphobia, racism, ableism, and ageism, etc.) directly and indirectly pits marginalized people against each other.

Just as I do not believe that women, by nature, are more nurturing than men, I do not believe women are naturally more prone to back stabbing, bullying, and gossiping, than men.

Let's face it. Women are at the bottom of the food chain. And if you also happen to be a Woman of Colour, Aboriginal, transgender, gender variant, disAbled, an immigrant or refugee, or lesbian or bisexual, you are lower still, with even less chance of advancement, promotion or basic respect by coworkers and employers.

These oppressions can be breeding grounds for animosity between oppressed groups and something that some employers certainly perpetuate.

I have had the pleasure of working at feminist organizations, as well as more institutionalized places, and this is what I have noticed:

1) Workplaces where one is not subject to micromanaging or other toxicity are much less stressf,ul and contribute positively to one's overall mental health. I have found micromanaging to be more prevalent in non-feminist organizations, although I am sure that there are micromanaging 'feminist' managers, and that this would have equally devastating impacts on workers.

2) Just like other people, women can and do work cooperatively if they are treated with dignity like their work matters, and are respected for the work they do, whether it is administrating a program or cleaning toilets.

3) Hierarchical power structures, even in feminist organizations, leads to disparity in wages, power, and feelings of self-worth. I personally believe that all positions in an orgaization must be equally valued, and that this means equal pay. Now, I know the arguments (e.g. "People who have 6 years of post-secondary education should not be compensated at the same level as someone with a high school degree.") I also understand that this can cause problems for typically underfunded not for profits. But I am not convinced that we can say "everyone is equal" when one person takes home $15/hour, and another $30/hour.

4) When people are stressed and overworked, they are more likely to engage in non-cooperative and hurtful ways. Marginalized people are more likely to fill less attractive positions, with lower paycheques and fewer benefits, which can certain cause economic stress. Front line workers in anti-violence movements and other social serving agencies are often women with enormous workloads getting paid much less than if they worked for government. As well, marginalized people wait longer for promotions (if they are promoted at all) which can create (very valid) feelings of resentment and anger, thereby increasing stress levels.

5) Capitalism needs competition, not cooperation. That is, workers are encouraged to 'play the game' which often means turning their backs on their fellow workers, if not openly sabotaging them. Consensus-based, cooperative work focuses on the well-being of all, which leads to a healthier workforce.

6) Workplaces with an explicit anti-oppressive stance (and who actually walk the talk) are emotionally and physically safer for workers, and are thus overall healthier for all.

7) There is a big time problem when all the (lower paid) front line workers are women and management is male. This is true also for People of Colour, Aboriginals, persons who are LGBTTIQQ, and persons with disabilities (etc) working the front line while those who are paid more and have more status are white, cisgender, straight, and/or non-disabled. In an effort to appear more inclusive, many businesses and agencies participate in tokenism - that is, hiring someone because they belong to a marginalized group without necessarily looking at their qualifications.** Often these people are doomed to remain in lower paying jobs with little opportunity for advancement, despite their credentials, skills and experience.

** This came out wrong. (I blame white privilege and sudafed). I didn't mean to say that people weren't meeting the qualifications; indeed, people will usually need to have a gazillion times the qualifications just to get the interview. What I meant was that the qualification that matters for these so called "I want to be diverse" organizations was looking diverse, without actually committing to diversity.

8) In mixed gender agencies, groups or meetings, people with privilege continue to dominate discussions. White people interrupt People of Colour; women get less talking space than men; people with disAbilities are ignored. Many feminist organizations seek to minimize power imbalances through 'talking feathers' and rounds. I have never seen this in non-feminist/non-anti-oppressive workplaces, let alone an acknowledgement that this is a problem.

I don't want to give the impression that all women only and/or feminist organizations are healthy to work for. Indeed, just as there are men who bully, there are women who do, as well. And anyone who has worked with or for a bully, whether they are micromanagers, gossipers, quick to blame or publicly shame, passive aggressive or flat out aggressive/abusive, knows what kind of toll this has on one's mental health.

This is why I choose to work for healthy environments, even though it often means a cut in pay. However, not everyone has the privilege to choose a lower paying but more emotionally satisfying job. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons I hate capitalism so much. In order to function, capitalism needs inequality, and in turn, it breeds even more.

Subsequently, I do not believe true equality can ever be achieved under capitalism. We very much need something else.

Rethinking Sexual Assault Prevention Tips

2010-02-15T13:12:00.000-08:00

Sexual assault prevention tips are common in Canada, which is not surprising given the high rates of sexualized violence. Tips are passed on by friends, family members, therapists, police officers, teachers, and others who presumably intend to decrease the risk of being sexually assaulted. In this sense, tips may be considered helpful. Or, at the very least, they are thought to do no harm.

However, some sexual assault centres and other sexual violence activists are questioning not only the usefulness and effectiveness of these personal safety tips but also the impact they have on people who have experienced sexualized violence.

Chances are, you have been given or have heard sexual assault prevention tips. Common safety tips include:
- don't walking alone
- watch your drink
- take a self defense course
- avoid alcohol / intoxication
- don't go home with, or accept rides or drinks from strangers
- be aware of your surroundings
- walk confidently and with a steady pace
- clearly communicate your boundaries with dates

There are also a host of safety tips that are circulated through email, based upon urban myths, such as:
- perpetrators soak business cards with drugs in order to incapacitate their victims
- perpetrators target women wearing a certain hair style (ponytail, bun, braid) because it can be easily grabbed
- perpetrators target women wearing overalls because the straps can be easily cut
- a drug used to sterilize women is being used during sexual assaults to prevent identifying the perpetrator through paternity tests

Safety prevention tips are usually directed at women, even though men too can experience sexual assault.

As well, tips are connected to sexual assault myths. For instance, tips focusing on stranger sexual assault (such as not walking home alone, being aware of one's surroundings and not accepting rides, drinks or going home with strangers) perpetuate the myth that the majority of sexual assaults are perpetrated by strangers.

However, across Canada, 85% of adolescent and adult sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the person knows (1); they are friends, family members, co-workers, spouses, dates, etc. A person is more likely to be sexually assaulted by someone they know and ask to walk home with them for 'safety' than they are to be sexually assaulted by a stranger.

The safety tip that tells people to clearly communicate their sexual boundaries is based on the myth that sexual assault is a result of miscommunication. This is simply not true. People who have experienced sexualized violence communicate 'no' in a variety of ways, even if they do not actually say "no". They may freeze, cry, try to keep their clothes on, or say things like "I have a boy/girlfriend", "I'm not in the mood", or "not now".

People who are not offenders will check in with their partner and obtain consent before engaging in or continuing sexual contact. On the other hand, perpetrators will continue to force sexual contact, even when the person has not given consent. Offenders may also coerce the other person into saying "yes" by constantly putting pressure on them or making them feel guilty. A "yes" given under coercion is not a true yes, and thus is not consent.

It is also a myth that taking a safety defense course will help people fight off an offender. However, in many cases, people freeze during a traumatic event, such as a sexual assault (2, 3, 4). This is a psychological coping mechanism that one has no control over and it exists to help blunt the full emotional horror or helplessness of the trauma.

Studies have found that people are less likely to fight back during a sexual assault if they know the offender (5), which is the majority of the time. Their reasons for not fighting back include fear of further violence and feeling embarrassed (6,7). People who are being sexually assaulted are also more likely to freeze if they have prior histories of sexual assault or abuse (8), or if they are consuming alcohol (9), which commonly occurs in acquaintance sexual assaults.

Another problem with safety tips is that they can increase self-blame in individuals who have experienced sexualized violence, as well as victim-blaming by others, especially if the person who was assaulted engaged in behaviours considered 'risky' (10).

For instance, if a person was sexually assaulted while drinking alcohol, they may be considered partly to blame for 'not being careful enough' (11). Similarly, individuals who have been sexually assaulted may blame themselves for the assault, and subsequently not access supports, such as telling a friend or going to counselling.

It is sometimes argued that safety tips decrease one's fear of being sexually assaulted because people feel they have 'tools' to avoid or resist an assault. However, research has found that this is not the case (12) and that in fact personal safety tips increase fear of sexual assault (13).

Fear can cause women to restrict their behaviour (14, 15, 16) which can cause a 'fear loop'; that is, the more a person restricts their behaviour, the more fearful they become, hence restricting their behaviour even more (17). As most personal safety tips are directed towards women, they can be viewed as a way of controlling women's behaviour, and holding them responsible for their own safety - versus holding sexual offenders accountable.

So how do we prevent sexual assault without perpetuating victim-blaming beliefs?

Education in and of itself does not have to victim-blame. That is, we can talk about the dynamics of sexualized violence without providing personal safety tips. For instance, instead of telling people to avoid alcohol lest they be sexually assaulted, we can talk about how offenders use alcohol to incapacitate their victims.

We can provide information on consent, coercion, and power, and that sex is used as a weapon versus the myth that sexual assault is caused by 'uncontrollable sexual urges'. We can similarly challenge gender roles and sexual scripts which view sex as a 'conquest' and something that people are entitled to.

Indeed, debunking myths is an important part of sexual assault education, as it demonstrates how these myths place the responsibility on the person who experienced the assault, versus the offender.

By moving away from personal safety tips we can help decrease the victim-blaming that is so prevalent in our society, and actually get to the root of the issue - power and control. Whereas tips reinforce myths and other beliefs that perpetuate sexualized violence, holding offenders solely accountable will make sexual assault less acceptable in Canadian society.

References:

(1) Statistics Canada (2005). Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile

(2) Haskell, L. (2003). First stage trauma treatment: A guide for mental health practitioners working with women. Toronto, ON: Centre for Addiction and Mental Health

(3) Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence - from domestic abuse to political terror. New York, NY: Basicbooks.

(4) Levine, P. (1997). Waking the tiger, healing trauma. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.

(5) Turchik, J.A., Probst, D.R., Chau, M., Nigoff, A. & Gidycz, C.A. (2007). Factors predicting the type of tactics used to resist sexual assault: A prospective study of college women. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 75(4), 605-614.

(6) Bart & O'Brien, as cited in Rozee, P.D. (2008). Women's fear of rape: Causes, consequences and coping. In J. C. Chrisler, C. Golden & P.D. Rozee (Eds.) Lectures on the psychology of women (4th edition) (p. 322-277). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

(7) Rozee, P.D. & Koss, M.P. (2001). Rape: A century of resistance. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 25, 295-311.

(8) van der Kolk, B.A., Pelcovitz, D., Roth, S., Mandel, F.S., McFarlane, A. & Herman, J.L. (1996). Dissociation, affect dysregulation and somatization: The complex nature of adaptations to trauma. American Journal of Psychiatry, 153(7; suppl), 83-93.

(9) Davis, K. C., George, W. H. & Norris, J. (2004). Women's responses to unwanted sexual advances: The role of alcohol and inhibition conflict. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 28, 333-343.

(10) Berkowitz, 1992, as cited in Rozee, P.D. & Koss, M.P. (2001). Rape: A century of resistance. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 25, 295-311.

(11) Crawford, E., O'Dougherty, M. & Birchmeier, Z. (2008). Drug-facilitated sexual assault: College women's risk perception and behavioral choices. Journal of American College Health, 57(3), 261-272.

(12) Gidycz, C. A., Rich, C. L., Orchowski, L., King, C. & Miller, A. K. (2006). The evaluation of a sexual assault self-defense and risk-reduction program for college women: A prospective study. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 30, 173-186.

(13) Rozee, P. D. (2008). Women's fear of rape: Causes, consequences and coping. In J.C. Chrisler, C. Golden & P.D. Rozee (Eds.) Lectures on the psychology of women (4th edition) (pp. 322-377).

(14) Hall, R. (2004). It can happen to you: Rape prevention in the age of risk management. Hypatia, 19(3), 1-19.

(15) Bardos & Fakinos, 1993, as cited in Hickman, S. E. & Muehlenhard, C. L. (1997). College women's fears and precautionary behaviors relating to acquaintance rape and stranger rape. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 21, 527-547.

(16) Stanko, 1993, as cited in Rozee, P. D. & Koss, M. P. (2001). Rape: A century of resistance. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 25, 295-311.

(17) Liska, Sanchirico & Reed, 1988, as cited in Ferraro, K. F. (1996). Women's fear of victimization: Shadow of sexual assault. Social Forces, 75(2), 667-690.

How to be an ally

2010-01-03T12:56:00.000-08:00

I am posting this after dialogue with an "ally" who seems to think that any analysis of racism, homo/bi/transphobia, and sexism is about him. You know, because we think he is an evil person and we hate him, just because he is a white straight male.

I was going to write some do's and don't on being an "ally" in my own words, but the fact is is that I have learned them from others.

So instead I have cited online sources (just click on the text). These sources range from general ally talk, to ally work with specific marginalized groups (e.g. people who are trans, sex workers, people with disAbilities, etc.). There is also a listing of these links at the bottom. I encourage you to check out these links for even more awesome information.

As well, please note that due to the major problems that "allies" cause/perpetuate (see below), there is a movement against this word. See http://radicalmasculinity.blogspot.com/2008/09/can-we-stop-using-term-ally.html for more info and a great read. (And I must say I am convinced!)

PS I do apologise for the assortment of colours in the text. I don't get formatting with this blog sometimes!

PPS Let me emphasize, once again, that these are NOT my ideas; they are copied from other's blogs (click on the link for the original)

HOW TO BE AN ALLY

Try to help members of your own group understand oppression and make the links among different forms of oppression.

Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen

Recognize that it isn't about you. If you engage as an ally in conversations about race, you are going to hear some extremely unflattering things about yourself and about white people in general. Try your best not to take it personally; it’s really not about you. It’s about the larger system of racism that a white person has just (often unwittingly) enacted in her behavior or speech. If you get caught up in your own hurt and sense of injury, you stop listening, and when you stop listening, you stop being an ally. Concentrating on your injury is also a way that white privilege sneakily encourages you to value your own experience over the experience of people of color. But don’t let it. Because what you’ve just experienced—painful as it is—is small potatoes compared to the numerous slights and hurts that people of color experience all the time. Furthermore, there’s nothing more deadly to a productive conversation about race than a white person who wants their personal hurt taken care of, particularly if people of color are being asked to do the caretaking.

It’s Not About Being the Good White Person, One thing that many whites feel is the need to be viewed as “The Good White Person.” Especially prevalent among liberals, this syndrome is driven by an extreme fear of being perceived as “racist.” The Good White Person couldn’t possibly have any racism in her heart because she is so enlightened and anti-racist. The Good White Person really gets it and wants to make sure people of color and other whites know that. The Good White Person often ends up making every race conversation about himself. This stance is not only unhelpful, it is dishonest. None of us is without racism in our hearts. We cannot be so tied to appearing innocent or evolved that we make the conversation all about us.

Take the criticism seriously. Do not dismiss it out of hand, especially if the criticism comes from a trans person. Trans people tend to be more aware of transphobia than most cis people are. This is because transphobic attitudes are often a matter of life and death – the ability to find a job, get housing, not get murdered, that sort of thing. Trans people do not find great enjoyment in randomly accusing people of transphobia, and would rather not have to bring it up. On the other hand, please do not appeal to other trans people to justify your words.

Address things everywhere: Even if we're not there to see you do it, fight oppression everywhere you can. Take the things we've requested of you and fight for them even when we aren't there. It shows that you actually give a shit about real change and not just about looking good for the Liberal Reputation Points^TM game. And for every person you change the mind of, that's another person who doesn't do something shitty to one of us. Real massive effects.

Never take public attention or credit for an oppressed group's process of liberation. Refuse to act as a spokesperson, even when reporters gravitate to you because they are more comfortable with you or curious about you. You should speak in public only if members of the oppressed group have asked you to speak from your point of view as an ally.

Trust Us: In the end, some of the things we say are gonna seem outlandish. Your privilege makes it tough to see the truth of the matter. It's like the matrix. You can't see past it but if you ever get that skill it is mind blowing and hard to believe. You need to learn to trust us to report our experiences and not question everything given to you. Because we get that enough from the non allies. We need you to make it easy for once.

Remember that everyone in the oppressor group is part of the oppression. It is ridiculous to claim you are not sexist if you are a man, or not racist if you are white, and so on. No matter how much work you have done on that area of yourself, there is more to be done. All members of this society grow up surrounded by oppressive attitudes; we are marinated in it. It runs in our veins; it is as invisible to us as the air we breathe. I do not believe anyone raised in Western society can ever claim to have finished ridding themselves completely of their oppressive attitudes. It is an ongoing task, like keeping the dishes clean. In fact, the minute I hear someone claim to be free of the attitudes and actions of a certain oppression (as in 'I'm not racist") I feel they have barely begun the process. Humility is the mark of someone who has gone a piece down the road and has caught a glimpse of just how long the road is.  

Having accepted that every member of an oppressor group is an oppressor, try not to feel that this makes you a "bad" person. Self-esteem does not have to mean distancing yourself from the oppressor role; it can come instead from taking a proud part in the struggle to end oppression. We waste a great deal of energy in denying our responsibility for oppression. What would happen if all that energy could be put to work figuring out how to end it?

Remember that in the oppressor role you cannot see the oppression as clearly as the oppressed group can. When people point out your oppressive attitudes or language to you, your first response should be to believe it.

Try to avoid the trap of "knowing what is good for them." Do not take leadership. They are the only ones who can figure out what is good for them, and developing their own leadership strengthens their organizations. It is fine to add thoughts or resources to the process by asking questions of the individuals with whom you have already built up some trust and equality; that is, who will not take it as coming from an authority greater than themselves just because you are a member of the oppressor group. It is not all right to take time at their meeting or public gathering to present your own agenda, or to suggest in any way that they do not understand or see the big picture.

Use gender neutral language when referring to someone’s partner if you don’t know the person well. In general, be aware of the gender language you use and the implications this language might have.

Be Discreet and Respect Personal Boundaries. If you know a sex worker, it’s OK to engage in conversation in dialogue with them in private, but respect their privacy surrounding their work in public settings. Don’t ask personal questions such as “does your family know what you do?” If a sex worker is not “out” to their friends, family, or co-workers, it’s not your place to tell everyone what they do.

Watch Your Language. Cracking jokes or using derogatory terms such as “hooker”, “whore”, “slut”, or “ho” is not acceptable. While some sex workers have “taken back” these words and use them among themselves, they are usually used to demean sex workers when spoken by outsiders.

Speak up when you hear someone say something like "That's so gay," or making other anti-GLBTQ comments or jokes.Explain who that hurts and why. Refrain from using such language yourself.

Acknowledge your white privilege. White privilege refers to all of the benefits we get just for being white. Most of us begin this journey with little awareness of our privilege, partly because we are so used to having the benefits that come with being white that we don’t even realize that we have them. But we also aren’t aware of our privilege because the system has encouraged us not to be. Peggy McIntosh, in her famous essay on white privilege , describes this phenomenon: “As a white person, I realized I had been taught about racism as something that puts others at a disadvantage, but had been taught not to see one of its corollary aspects, white privilege, which puts me at an advantage.” Like McIntosh, I think many of us are aware of how racism hurts others, but not aware of how it benefits us. Without acknowledging the privilege we hold, we can’t truly begin to understand the experience of people of color. Nor can we contribute in any meaningful way to ending racism if we don’t acknowledge that the deck is heavily stacked in our favor.

Make sure you understand the definitions of the terms that are going to be used. The first thing you really need to understand is that the definition of racism that you probably have (which is the colloquial definition: "racism is prejudice against someone based on their skin color or ethnicity") is NOT the definition that's commonly used in anti-racist circles. The definition used in anti-racist circles is the accepted sociological definition (which is commonly used in academic research, and has been used for more than a decade now): "racism is prejudice plus power". What this means, in easy language: A. Anyone can hold "racial prejudice" -- that is, they can carry positive or negative stereotypes of others based on racial characteristics... B. People of any race can commit acts of violence, mistreatment, ostracizing, etc., based on their racial prejudices... C. However, to be racist (rather than simply prejudiced) requires having institutional power. In North America, white people have the institutional power. In large part we head the corporations; we make up the largest proportion of lawmakers and judges; we have the money; we make the decisions. In short, we control the systems that matter. "White" is presented as normal, the default. Because we have institutional power, when we think differently about people based on their race or act on our racial prejudices, we are being racist. Only white people can be racist, because only white people have institutional power. D. People of color can be prejudiced, but they cannot be racist, because they don't have the institutional power. E. If you're in an area of your city/state/province that is predominantly populated by PoC and, as a white person, you get harassed because of your skin color, it's still not racism, even though you're in a PoC-dominated area. The fact is, even though they're the majority population in that area, they still lack the institutional power.

Don't expect a cookie. You don't get a pat on the back or more dates just because you're a [male] feminist. To expect a reward for being a feminist is sort of like expecting accolades for being a good father, or paying your bills on time. You're a feminist because you see the injustices in the world, and have chosen to take actions because of it. This makes you a good person, and good people are everywhere, you're not special.

HOW NOT TO BE AN ALLY

Feel guilty about your particular privilege, then tell members of the oppressed group you’re an “ally” of how guilty you feel and demand they help you work through your guilt.

Argue your privilege call. Face it, you do have privilege. This is a given. If you did something and someone calls privilege on you for it, don't argue it. Because chances are, you are wrong and if you argued it, you're making it just that much harder to get through to you to someone who goes through a helluva lot of shit normally and doesn't need it from allies too.

Give your input on everything so that the oppressed group will reap the benefits of your enlightenment.

Demand cookies from feminists whenever you say anything about women, women’s rights, or gender roles. Pout if you don’t get them. Cry “Oppression!!1″ and “Female privileges!!!” and “Misandry!!!!” if they tell you you’re being an idiot.

Tell people to respect your separate identity as an ally, since you are giving up a lot of your time an energy just to be an ally.

Don’t critique any of your behaviours as a part of a system of oppression, because you are only
appreciating, not appropriating.

Ask marginalized people to source their statements or give proof because they could be tricking you into feeling guilt.

Derail a discussion. Even if it makes you personally uncomfortable to discuss X issue…it’s really not about you or your comfort. It’s about X issue, and you are absolutely free to not engage rather than try to keep other people from continuing their conversation.

Speak for marginalized people. A lot of allies think they know a whole bunch of shit about what we need and how we need it. Well, they're wrong. You can do all the research in the world and you still won't know exactly what a given trans person will need. Fuck, most of us don't know what the rest of us need half the time. So when you speak over trans folk, or Aspects forbid, tell trans folk to shut up because you know what we need, you are being a shit poor ally.

Remember that you’re only doing the oppressed group a favour, and the only way they can get out of oppression is if they help themselves. Tell them that.

Expect a pass into safe spaces because you call yourself an ally. You’re not entitled to access as a result of not being an asshole. Sometimes it just isn’t going to be about you or what you think you should happen. Your privilege didn’t fall away when you became an ally, and there are intra-community conversations that need to take place away from the gaze of the privileged.

Use meetings and organizing time to establish anti-racist credentials.

Say "you are damaging your cause by being angry." By now their feelings are probably deeply hurt and they’re very angry. Don’t forget they encounter this kind of discrimination in subtle ways every single day of their life, so they’re bound to be emotional about it, even resentful... Don’t worry about silly things like their feelings - c’mon, they’re grownups, aren’t they! The only thing that matters is defending your discrimination as completely fair and to avoid examining your prejudiced arguments in ways that may challenge them. You could even drop this little bomb: "You are damaging your cause by being angry, real understanding can only happen if all sides are respectful and patient". Not only do you come across as a smug, self-righteous asshat (though you may prefer the term “bigger person”) you can also manage to subtly make them feel guilty about their anger, as though it’s undeserved! Everybody wins! Well, except them of course.

Remind feminists that you don’t need to be a feminist/ally. It’s not benefitting you or anything — you’re doing all of this for them. Make sure they truly appreciate your help. Because they could never do this feminism thing without you. You’re very important.

Sources:

http://community.feministing.com/2009/05/how-men-can-be-better-feminist.html

http://www.jcu.edu/campuslife/reslife/current/docs/resources/How%20to%20be%20an%20Ally%20if%20you%20are%20a%20Person%20with%20Privilege.pdf

http://heartoffalsehood.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/how-not-to-be-a-feminist-ally-a-list/

http://loveisntenough.com/2009/12/30/how-to-be-an-anti-racist-ally/

http://recursiveparadox.dreamwidth.org/7365.html

http://redlightchicago.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/how-to-be-an-ally-to-sex-workers/

http://studentofchange.com/2009/11/11/on-being-an-effective-white-anti-racist-ally/

http://stuffwhitepeopledo.blogspot.com/2009/08/wonder-where-to-start-when-they-join.html

http://theangryblackwoman.com/2009/10/01/the-dos-and-donts-of-being-a-good-ally/

http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/how-to-check-your-cis-privilege/

http://uppitybrownwoman.wordpress.com/2008/09/15/how-to-be-an-ally/

http://web.cortland.edu/russellk/courses/hdouts/raible.htm

http://www.daa.org.uk/index.php?page=how-to-be-an-ally

http://www.derailingfordummies.com/

http://www.ehow.com/how_5045373_ally-glbtq-community.html

Remembering Spunky

2010-01-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

Our animal friends tell us goodbye when they are ready although we may not always understand it at the time.

Before Spunky made a very sudden turn for the worse, he visited me in the kitchen. He came not to eat (even though we cooked him fish and shrimp because he wasn't eating very well). I think he came to say "hello" and "goodbye".

I wasn't overly concerned about his choosing not to eat breakfast that morning. Our cats have a habit of nosing the food at one feeding and then gulping lots of food at the next. Plus they have a limitless supply of crunchies which we top up all the time, which our cats believe means "wow! this must be new, different and exciting food!) If we went to the vet every time the cats weren't interested in wet food, we would be there twice a day. They are funny that way.

And besides I had a vet appointment for Monday just to double check how Spunky was doing because he had just cleared up a massive infection and had been diagnosed with an auto immune deficiency which he had meds for.

But there was more going on with Spunky than we realised.

He has been in and out of the vet the past year due to chronic respiratory infections, which seemed to clear up with antibiotics. He was sleeping with us on the bed, and loved the warmness of the spare bedroom for whatever reason heats up like a sauna. We would let him hang out in there whenever he wanted to, usually unbothered by other cats.

Chris and I went out to see the latest Terry Gillian movie and came back to find him unable to move, and very listless. In a matter of hours, he went from being a little tired and fussy to very sick.

I tried to give him IV fluids but his body was so thin at this point I didn't even know where to poke the needle. So we decided to head to the Emergency Vet Clinic, at least to stabilize any dehydration.

I thought we would be there a few hours and then he would come home, a little annoyed, but hydrated and ready to eat. But after blood and urine work and an ultrasound, we were told by the vet that they had discovered cancer and fatty liver disease and would never be well enough to come home.

Initially, we wanted to give him 24 hours to recover; it was our hope that the vet was wrong and he could at least spend a few days at home and be euthanized this week. But I called the vet again and asked how he was, and she said "uncomfortable" and that there was no chance he would ever be able to come home. Delaying euthanasia, at that point, would be about our needs - not Spunky's.

Minutes after hearing the news, we rushed down to the clinic. We had decided to both spend the night at a friend's house because she lived 3 minutes from the clinic, and we wanted to be available to come down, any hour of night, should he take a turn for the worse. I figured this was us being hypervigilant, protective parents. I honestly didn't believe that this would happen.

We stayed with Spunky while he went to sleep and never woke up. He could barely move and his eyes were glazed over. I had asked for extra pain medication so he definitely was dozed from that but I want all beings (human and non-human) to die with dignity and without any discomfort.

I held him in my arms as the vet administered the euthanasia medication, and he quietly drifted to sleep. His head drooped and his body went still.

I told Chris that I didn't think my heart could break anymore. We recently put down Christmas, and before that, Shadow and Roxy. If "cat rescue" is all about death, I don't think I want any part of it.

But rescue is more than death. It is also about being woken up by snuggles and cats chewing your hair as you sleep. It is about cats become happier, healthy beings after medical treatment, and subsequently, becoming more loving. It is about cats sitting on your lap, on your computer, and on your shoulders. It is even about cleaning tons of litter because that means that they are eating and drinking well and are happy and healthy.

I return to work tomorrow, a day after putting down another beloved cat. I will try and remember the wonderful things about rescue rather than focus on death. I will remember all Spunky's quirks (drinking from a running tap, sleeping on vents, even how he initially hid from us when we first got him, before he learned that we were alright people.)

Rest in peace, Spunky.

Things I am Learning from Sex and the City (TV Series)

2009-12-26T15:17:00.001-08:00

While I house/catsit for a friend, I am watching all of the episodes of Sex and the City. And I am learning a lot of things, some good, some bad. So in no random order...

1) Women's friendships are powerful and important. To me, this is perhaps the most awesome message of this show. Carrie's, Miranda's, Samantha's and Charlotte's friendship is tight, and they work out their problems through honesty and compassion. They have their ups and down but they are supportive and communicative. While there definitely are examples of the very ugly, sexist, stereotypical "women are all jealous of each other, catty bitches" in the show, it doesn't exist in the central friendship, and that I like. A lot.

2) Women don't communicate all the same way. The patriarchy likes to tell us that all women communicate one way, and all men in another way. (We are completely opposite, after all). Women are (allegedly) indirect, emotionally/relationally driven and our communication is supposed to reflect this. However, Sex and the City demonstrates various ways of women communicating, from frank/direct to mushy. And I don't feel like women who communicate in non-stereotypically "feminine" ways (e.g. Samantha) are penalized for doing so. In fact, I feel that non-stereotypical women behaviour is even celebrated, to varying degrees.

3) People of Colour don't exist. Perhaps one of its greatest flaws, Sex and the City is about white women, period. People of Colour show up very sporadically, peripherally and often in very stereotypical ways. What first comes to mind is the "angry Black woman" stereotype in the sister of a man that Samantha dates/sleeps with. The only Indian characters I can think of were cab drivers. Like many popular TV series, Sex and the City is written with the white lens in mind, and People of Colour are misrepresented - if they are shown at all.

4) Lesbians don't exist, other than for male titillation and experimentation. Sure, there is some chique lesbian experimentation (e.g. Samantha's brief relationship with a woman, a threesome and a few same sex kisses) but I get the sense that this was more for titillation than actual real interest in lesbian relationships. Heterosexuality is ultimately favoured and normalized in Sex and the City, and heterosexism is subsequently enforced.

5) Women face sexism in the paid labour force. One of my favourite episodes is when Samantha and Miranda talk about how very differently they are treated as professionals, because they are women. This episode explores how women are considered "overly emotional" and the impact of this oppression on women. Fabulous. (And what would have made it even better would have been to acknowledge the multiplicity of oppressions that women may face, including racism, sexism, transphobia, in the paid labour force and beyond.)

6) Women's lives circulate around men. I am going to preface this by saying that while (straight) romantic relationships are far too important in Sex and the City (at least for my liking), I do believe that the womens' friendships are portrayed as ultimately more important. That said, every episode has at least one of the women lamenting their singleness or a relationship they are in/starting/ending. I keep on hearing that Sex and the City celebrates the single woman, but I just don't see it. When these women are single, it is only temporary. Even "liberated" Samantha falls in love, several times, and ends up in a relationship with a man.

7) Women aren't innate nurturers. I love love love how Miranda parents. She struggles. She nearly drops a child at a baby shower. She doesn't quit her (paid) job. (And there is even portrayals of how mothers are oppressed in the paid labour force). Miranda loves her kid, but she doesn't love all kids, just because she is a woman. And Sex and the City shows that mothers can have lives and their own identities beyond their child(ren). How refreshing.

8) Women are more confident and sexy when they are skinny. The episode where Miranda finally fits her "skinny jeans" sets back feminism and the fat activist movement big time. Why can't Miranda feel beautiful when she had extra "baby weight"? Thank fat phobia for that one.

9) Women dread getting older. Actually, no they don't. Sex and the City does a nice shift throughout the show. In earlier episodes, Samantha lies about her age, but later on, she embraces it. (Well, at least mostly; she still freaks out over a grey pubic hair).

10) Trans people don't exist beyond being sex workers*. I can't think of one trans character who isn't a sex worker* or even mention of cissexism. While Sex and the City will occasionally touch on sexism, it tends to avoid (and reinforce) other oppressions, and transphobia is one of them.

*Thank you, "anonymous" for pointing this out.

11) Women like sex. What is nice about this is that it isn't just Samantha who thinks sex and her sexuality are important. Episodes similarly focus on the "goody two shoes" Charlotte's sexual needs and interests, ranging from her "addiction" to a vibrator to her difficulty with Trey's (husband #1) self-professed lack of interest in sex because of his erection problems. Pregnant Miranda craves sex, and all four women have and enjoy sex for themselves - not to keep men happy.

12) Emotionally abusive relationships are sexy and romantic. Carrie and Big. Enough said.

Fat Women in Tight Clothes

2009-10-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

*This post was inspired by both fat shaming comments on facebook and this post here (more below).

Preface: Many of the links in this post are hate speech against fat people. I include them to "prove" fat phobia and provide examples. I also include them to make people angry. As well, some examples of fat phobia are included in this post, including examples which ridicule and minimize the beating of a woman because she was fat. Please take care of yourself in deciding on whether to access these links or read this post.

If you aren't yet "sold" on whether there is such a thing as fat phobia, I invite you to think about fat women wearing tight clothes.

In some people's minds (and these people actually take the time to write about this on the Internet), fat women are gross, unhealthy, piggish sluts with no self control.

A random search found this little gem on a body building website:

"Any female who is wearing Spandex, who is not of proportional weight and height as set forth by by EF members, will be guilty of a Felony in the 3rd degree. Punishment will be a fine of no less than $1,000 and/or a jail term of no less than 1 year."

One article which describes the beating of a woman because she was fat has the following comments by readers:

"Huh, that fight must have been a funny sight."

"I don't agree with what happened to this lady, no one should be abused for how they look, but on the other side people should know that its not ok to be fat. Smokers are giving [sic] evil stares for daring to stand on the public street and smoke in public view, why shouldn't fat people get the same treatment, its the same a disgusting addiction!"

"This abuse is dreadful and I hate this kind of fatist persecution. Nevertheless, Marsha [the victim of the hate crime] all the food and drinks fat people have eaten in their lives could have fed millions of starving kids and people around the world. Think of this next time you comfort eat on doughnuts, chocolate, sweets or a happy fatty meal."

"This is quite ridiculous - Whilst I do not in ANY way condone discrimination or abuse against anyone on the basis of how they look, it seems logical that people who are obese need to go on a strict diet and training regime in order to lose weight.
By adapting cinema seats, aircraft seats and restaurant places we are subconsciously re-enforcing the notion that it is healthy,"normal" and acceptable to be clinically obese. I am a strong advocate of shock therapy and tough love - maybe feeling ashamed and embarrassed might trigger these people to start doing some exercise,eat less and lose all that weight."

"She should lose weight for her own self respect."

"Obesity is caused through laziness and bad diet so it is easy for them to change this"

"Instead of working on a campaign to reduce weight discrimination, fatties should be working to reduce - weight."

People can't even condemn this attack without focusing on the features of the victim or using it as a "fat is unhealthy" platform. Fat people are even blamed for world hunger and name called - just as the victim was called fat phobic names before being assaulted.

While fat phobia certainly affects people of all genders, there seems to be a special hatred of fat women.

Women's bodies are already policed. How we dress is used as justification to sexually or verbally harass us; our reproductive rights and choices are debated, demonized and increasingly unavailable; we are deemed "frigid" or "slutty" depending on how we present ourselves or because of sexual decisions we make.

Women's bodies are also public property. We are told to smile. We are asked when we are going to have babies. Pregnant women's bellies are touched without permission. We are sexually assaulted, harassed, and humiliated by both strangers and (more oftenly) people we know and maybe even trust.

Sexism and fat phobia are inherently linked, and women marginalised through other oppressions (e.g. transmisogyny, racism, classism) often experience further body violations.

I started this post because I wanted people to think about how they view fat bodies. And I want to change within myself my own internalized fat phobia and sexism.

So I would like to end with two links to continue this self-reflection.

This one (briefly mentioned at the beginning) talks a thousand times more eloquently about the shaming and policing of fat women's bodies. In reading it, I feel sad for all of the women out there who hide parts of their bodies because fat phobia says that we must do so. But I also feel grateful for the resistance of fat women which has helped me to love my own stretch marks and those parts of my body which are soft and squishy.

And this one leaves me feeling joyful. I hope it provides joy to you, as well.

Gender and Language

2009-10-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

I have always been a grammar keener. And one grammar rule I learned (in high school? university? I can't remember) is that one is never to mix plural and singular pronouns in writing.

That is, groups described in the plural form (e.g. students, people, children) must be accompanied with the plural "they" and people described in a singular form (e.g. student, person, child) must be used with the also singular "she or he".

It has been pointed out to me that this "rule" (when used for the singular she or he) contributes to the gender binary, assumes everyone is either male or female, and renders invisible people who identify as neither "she or he".

It has taken a long time for me to let this go. The idea of using the so-called plural "they" with the singular (e.g. person) would (and still does) make my grammar bells hurt my head.

But language is power and the language that we use can perpetuate and reinforce oppressions in society, including marginalizations based upon sex, gender identity, and so forth.

For instance, when we use male pronouns to refer to all people (e.g. mankind), we are rendering women invisible and considering males as "normative". (This is also called andro-centric language).

When we non-consensually third gender trans people (e.g. asking people if they are a woman, man or trans, or say things like "women, men and transpeople") we are assuming that all trans people do not consider themselves to be either female or male.

And when we use "she or he" we are assuming that all people are either female or male and render invisible people who are both or neither.

We do not have singular non-gendered pronouns in the English language, because our language both reflects and perpetuates oppression.

Many people in radical communities use non-gendered language like "hir" and "ze" or "zie" but these words are not used in common discourse. If I use these pronouns in writing at work, people will likely be confused. That doesn't mean I shouldn't use them (because using them creates awareness) but I do prefer wreaking grammar havoc by using "they" and "their" when referring to the singular. (E.g. "Every person responds to violence in their own way").

I am not yet 100% comfortable with this; I still have a lot of unlearning to do. But it's one small step.

See also:

Gender Neutral Pronouns: The Value of Zie
Gender Queer (wiki)
How Transgender Folk Are Fixing An Age Old Literary Problem
Musing On Smashing the Gender Binary
Nonconsensual Third Gendering
The Pronoun Question by Malic Moxie

Christmas

2009-10-24T08:53:00.001-07:00

Christmas is booked for euthanasia on November 2nd. Losing any cat is very difficult, and I fiercely grieve each and every time. Christmas holds a very special place in my heart because she was our second kitty, who came into our lives shortly after Dee Dee.

Chris and I were thinking about Christmas the other day, as we wept about the hard decision we had to make. We remembered how she used to run up the wall (to the very top of doors!) and how on the first day we got her, she came to each person who was there and gave them a hug.

Christmas is our parrot cat, and loves to be on our shoulders. She loves high places and nuzzling.

Unfortunately, as her sickness has gotten worse, she is no longer playful and doesn't seek attention as much. I remember never getting sleep because she would want affection all night. She would knead my hair when I was trying to sleep and while it drove me nuts at the time, I would give anything (including all my sleep) to have this one last time.

Now she is lethargic and tired. She is very sick. But she still loves to be held like a baby. And she still (I think) loves attention although she no longer seeks it.

This post is a tribute to Christmas, who should have been in our lives for many, many more years.

When is it time to let go?

2009-10-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

I write this because there is so little information on when to let go of our beloved companion animals and humanely euthanize. Sometimes vets are great at giving information, but most of the time it is up to us. (In fact, the best vets acknowledge how difficult this is to assess, because unlike many humans, animals cannot communicate how they are doing with words). So I offer what I have learned, for others, but also as a reminder to myself:

It's time to let go when...

* Pain is no longer manageable. This is very hard to assess and looks different in every animal. Sometimes animals communicate this to us by refusing to eat, stopping grooming or excessive grooming. Shadow had a tumour that was untreatable, and we had her on big time pain medications. We knew the medications were no longer working when she started licking the area of the tumour. If you aren't able to assess your companion animal's eating (e.g. if you have multiple animals), consider weighing your companion animal to ascertain weight loss. You can buy scales for animals online or ask your vet if you can come in and have them weigh the animal. If you only have one animal, check how much they eat and the litterbox.

* Quality of life has diminished. The animal may have difficulty moving or eating, or may hide. (Often animals in the wild will hide when they know the time has come to die). This too is really hard to ascertain, but my vet said it best: "Quality of life has diminished when there are more bad days than good days."

Because we see our companion animals every day it is difficult to assess changes. That is why the feedback of others who also know our companion animals is so valuable. Ask your vet, friends, family (etc) what changes they have noted. Weight change is difficult to assess when we see our animal every day but others may be able to provide feedback on this. (Or, once again, consider getting a special scale or do regularly weigh ins at the vet).

As human companions, it is our job (I believe) to let go when it is time and make the best decision for our loved ones. It isn't about our needs, but the animal's needs.

And I can't stress enough how important it is to be with your loved one when they are euthanized. I know not everyone is emotionally able to do this, but being there is so important in reducing their anxiety and stress. This is the final gift you can give your loved one.

Queer Anarchism

2009-10-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

Queer anarchist analysis is an incredibly important tool to critique both Queer and anarchist communities and activism. As LGBTTIQQ celebrations and marches around the world become increasingly commodified with corporate sponsorship and/or entrance fees (the latter making events accessible only to those with class privilege), an anti-capitalist lens can truly radicalize Queer movements.

Here in Edmonton (Alberta), the 2009 Pride Parade was sponsored by TD Bank. While this in and of itself is problematic, I take the greatest issue with the renaming of the parade to the “TD Canada Trust Pride Parade”. Are we proud to be Queer or proud of TD? And what is this really about – TD being supportive of Queer rights or accessing a demographic that they feel may have some money to invest in their company? I would argue TD did this from a purely marketing point; they want more customers. If they weren't sponsoring Pride for this reason, they wouldn't need to make their presence so dominating.

The rebranding and commercialization of Edmonton Pride was addressed, in part, by the radical Queer Recruitment Army (QRA) who managed to actually march in the TD Canada Trust Pride Parade holding signs that read “Stonewall wasn't sponsored by TD” and “Our Pride is not for sale” and distributing anarcho-Queer bandanas. How we were able to do this without being booted is still a mystery to me (although one participant got shit from a Pride Week organizer and TD staff yelled at a few of us afterwards).

One QRA member also created and distributed a leaflet entitled “Our Pride Is Not For Sale: Why LGBTQ Pride Should Not Be Branded By Banks and Other Nasty Corporations.” The anarchists in the crowd were widely supportive of this leaflet; not too sure about others!

While I “get” capitalism and that big events cost money, I (like other members of the QRA) fail to see why “bigger is better” (a common belief of organizers of all sorts). Whether 10 or 1000 people come out to an event, the event is still important. Selling out Pride so that it can be bigger and more expensiveis not only unnecessary but counterproductive. Pride isn't about banks, money, acceptance by straight people or even necessarily having lots of people come out; it is about feeling good about ourselves and our diverse and awesome communities, and that doesn't need to cost any money at all!

Another problem that this push for acceptance and commercialization brings is the silencing of voices/people who are sometimes viewed as “too extreme” for straight people to accept. This problem has existed in Queer activist communities for decades; “acceptance” means we need to act just like straight and cisgendered people. This has led to the exclusion of trans communities, as well as others who don't conform to the “white picket fence ideal”. Don't be too sexy, too risqué, too different. Act just like straight and cisgendered people and maybe, just maybe they will stop oppressing us!

Queer Anarchism

Now, onto anarchism. Anarchists hold a wide variety of political ideologies ranging from labour rights, animal liberation, environmentalism, feminism, Queer activism, anti-racism and class war (and sometimes, all of the above!) For the most part, anarchists are opposed to governance by the state, capitalism and all other forms of oppression and hierarchy.

Anarchists operate from a collectivist, non-hierarchical framework, although how this actually plays out depends on various anarchist groups. That is, anarchists, just like everyone else, struggle with internalized racism, ableism, ageism, sexism, fat phobia, classism, homophobia, heterosexism, cissexism and transmisogyny/transphobia.

It is less of an issue that we all struggle with these internalised oppressions than it is how we deal with them. Are we doing solidarity work with marginalised groups, such as people with disAbilities, sex workers, Aboriginals, People of Colour and people who are LGBTTIQ, even when we are not members of these communities ourselves? Are we doing the anti-oppression research ourselves or expecting marginalised groups to educate us? Are we not only checking our privilege but actually doing something about it? I would argue that we need more than lip service to anti-oppressionism; we need action and solidarity.

I don't mean to come across as holier than thou. I too have fucked up, big time. I used the term “woman-born-woman” in an anarcha-feminist zine I created, which is derogatory against people who are trans. I failed to do my research, and I hurt people who are trans in the process.

I would like to see greater inclusion of LGBTTIQQ issues in anarchist communities beyond solidarity statements that “we oppose the oppression of people who are Queer” (although this is important, too). We need gender neutral bathrooms (for trans inclusion and to fight gender binarism). We need to attend events like Trans Memorial Days where trans communities mourn their dead. We need to participate in Pride events and read Queer blogs – without taking over. We need to support and create Queer anarchist groups to oppose heterosexist and transmisogynistic/transphobic oppression. We need to include transwomen in our “women only safe spaces”. And above all, we need to hear the voices of Queer communities and smarten the fuck up. (That means, drop the defenses and actually listen!)

Sexualized Violence and Hope

2009-10-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

Sexual assault and sexual abuse are often portrayed as devastating experiences from which no one can truly recover. That is, people who are sexually abused or assaulted are seen as being so profoundly impacted by this crime that they will never again be able to function socially, emotionally, at work or in their relationships (etc).

While I by no means want to minimize the impacts of sexual abuse/assault which can indeed be devastating and long-lasting for some survivors/victims, I do want to present a more balanced, realistic and hopeful view.

I believe that people can and do recover from the impacts of sexual abuse/assault. This doesn't mean that they are not changed by the crime or never again feel its impacts, but rather, that many victims/survivors can develop a different type of relationship with their experience victimization - one where they realise they were not at fault, do not turn their anger inwards, or think about it all the time.

Some people find counselling helps with this process. Others rely on supportive people in their lives. Still others find meeting other victims/survivors and/or social activism and advocacy helpful.

People who have been sexually abused/assaulted can and do find healthy coping tools such as those listed above, as well as reading about sexual abuse/assault*, journalling, exercise, yoga, writing, listening to and writing music, putting the blame on the offender (where it belongs), calling crisis lines** etc. People may develop these resources with the support of friends, family or a counsellor, or on their own.

I have worked in the anti-sexual violence field in a number of capacities for over ten years. And while I certainly have met individuals profoundly impacted by sexual abuse/assault, I have also witnessed incredible strength and resiliency (even if survivors/victims don't necessarily see or feel it at the time).

What I know about healing from the trauma of sexualized violence is that the following is incredibly important:

1) People who disclose sexualized violence MUST be believed. In fact, social support following trauma is one of the strongest predictors of whether or not a personal will develop strong negative post-trauma reactions. This is well supported by research (see Adams & Boscarino, 2005, as cited in Cohen & Hein, 2006; Brewin, Andrews & Valintine, 2000, as cited in Guay, Billette & Marchand, 2006). And even more importantly, victims/survivors have identified the importance of being believed.

2) People who have experienced sexual abuse/assault MUST be given the power to choose. When a person is sexually abused/assaulted, their power is taken away; we recreate this powerlessness when we force people to do things such as go to counselling. In the case of adult survivors/victims, the choice of reporting to the police must be made entirely by them; guilting or otherwise forcing someone into reporting takes their choice and power away. (In the case of child sexual abuse/assault, there are usually legal requirements, depending on where one lives, to report to Children's Services or the police; however, the child should have input on how this is done or what this might look like, whenever possible).

3) People who have experienced sexualized violence MUST not be judged or blamed by others, including friends, police, medical professionals, therapists, co-workers, family members, boy/girlfriends, partners and spouses, etc.) Many survivors/victims of sexualized violence already blame themselves for what occurred and how they responded during or after the abuse/assault. Hearing feedback that they were not at fault no matter what they did or did not do can prevent long-lasting trauma responses and help with healing in general. This too is supported by research (see Lepore, 2001, as cited in Guay, Billette & Marchand, 2006; Williams & Joseph, 1999, as cited in Guay, Billette & Marchand, 2006). On the other hand, negative social support, i.e. support that is critical and blaming, is associated with greater severity of negative post-trauma responses (see Willman & Filipas, 2001, as cited in Guay, Billette & Marchand, 2006).

4) People who have been sexually assaulted/abused should NOT be asked "why" questions. This includes questions like "why were you drinking?" "why did you go home with that person?" "why were you wearing ____?" "why didn't you do what I told you to do?" etc. This is linked to point #3 in that "why" questions reinforce self-blame in the survivor/victim. As well, when we ask "why" questions, we put the focus on the behaviour of the victim/survivor, versus the person who was entirely responsible for the sexual abuse/assault: the offender.

I don't know what others think, but I feel incredibly empowered to know that we as individuals and collectively as a society can make a difference in the lives of survivors/victims. By believing, supporting and not passing judgement, we can actually help prevent the long-term traumatization of our loved ones who experience sexual abuse/assault.

* Readings

(please note, I haven't read all of these, so I can't guarantee that they are all super fantastic!)

Adults who Experienced Childhood Sexual Abuse

Beginning to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
The Courage to Heal Workbook for Women and Men by Laura Davis
Healing for Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Bonnie Collins and Kathryn Marsh

Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse by Nicole Braddock Bromley
Outgrowing the Pain- A Book For and About Adults Abused as Children By Eliana Gil
The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse By Beverly Engel
The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz
Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse: Practical Self-Help for Adults who were Sexually Abused as Children by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon
Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook: Practical Exercises for Working On Problems Resulting From Childhood Sexual Abuse by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon

(For Men) Broken Boys, Mending Men: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse by Stephen Grubman-Black
(For Men) Victims no Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew
(For Women) The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis *
(For Women) Healing the Trauma of Abuse: A Woman’s Workbook by Mary Ellen Copeland

Teens who Experienced Childhood Sexual Abuse

It Happened to Me: A Teen’s Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse by William Lee Carter
The Me Nobody Knows: A Guide for Teen Survivors by Barbara Bean and Shari Bennett

Sexual Assault

After Silence: Rape and My Journey Back by Nancy Venable Raine
Free of the Shadows: Recovering From Sexual Violence by Caren Adams and Jennifer Fay
Peaceful Heart: A Woman's Journey of Healing by Aimee Jo Martin
The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-By-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis
Sexual Assault: Will I Ever Feel Okay Again? One Woman's Personal Journey to Wholeness and A Guide for Other Victims, Their Families, and Friends by Kay Scott
(For Men) Male On Male Rape: The Hidden Toll Of Stigma And Shame by Michael Scarce
(For Men) Male Rape: Breaking the Silence on the Last Taboo by Richie McMullen

Trauma

Life After Trauma: A Workbook for Healing by Dena Rosenbloom, Mary Beth Williams and Barbara Watkins
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experience by Peter Levine

** Sexual Assault/Abuse Crisis Lines

Canada

Alberta

Calgary (Alberta): (403) 237 5888
Edmonton (Alberta): (780) 423 4121
Edmonton/Sherwood Park (Alberta): (780) 449 0900
Edmonton - University of Alberta (Alberta): (780) 492 9771
Fort McMurray: (780) 791 6708
Grande Prairie: Toll-free 1 888 377 322
Red Deer (Alberta): (403) 356 1099; Toll-free 1 866 956 1099

British Columbia

VictimLINK (to access directory of services including crisis lines across BC):
Toll-free 1 800 563-0808
Fort St. John (BC): (250) 261 6666
Nelson (BC): (250) 352 3504; Toll-free 1 800 561 4244
Prince George (BC): (250) 564 8302
Terrace (BC): (250) 635 1911
Vancouver (BC): (604) 255-6344; (604) 872 8212
Victoria (BC): (250) 383 3232

Manitoba

Brandon (Manitoba): Toll-free for Manitoba only 1 877 977 0007
Dauphin (Manitoba): (204) 638 9484
Winnipeg (Manitoba): (204) 786 8686

New Brunswick

Fredericton (New Brunswick): (506) 454 0437

Newfoundland

St. Johns (Newfoundland): (709) 726 1411; Toll-free province wide: 1 800 726 2743

Northwest Territories

*There are no sexual assault centres in NTW. Visit http://www.casac.ca/node/59 for list of resources that while not focused on sexual abuse/assault, may be helpful for persons in crisis.

Nova Scotia

Halifax (Nova Scotia): (902) 425 0122
Truro (Nova Scotia): (902) 897 4366

Nunavut

Iqaluit (Nunavut): (867) 979 4500

Ontario

Barrie/Simcoe County (Ontario): (705) 737 2008
Belleville/Quinte & District (Ontario): (613) 967 6000
Brant (Ontario): (519) 751 3471
Chatham (Ontario): (519) 354 8688
Guelph (Ontario): (519) 836 5710; Toll-free: 1 800 265 7233
Hamilton (Ontario): (905) 525 4162
Kenora (Ontario): (807) 468 7233; Toll-free: 1 800 565 6161
Kingston (Ontario): (613) 544 6424; Toll-free: 1 877 544 6424
Kitchener (Ontario): (519) 741 8633
London (Ontario): (519) 438 2272
Niagara/St. Catherines (Ontario): (905) 682 4584
Oshawa (Ontario): (905) 668 9200
Ottawa (Ontario): (613) 234 2266; (613) 562 2333
Peel (Ontario): (905) 273 9442
Renfrew County (Ontario): Toll-free: 1 800 663 3060
Sarnia (Ontario): (519) 337 3320
Sudbury (Ontario): (705) 675 1323
Timmins (Ontario): (705) 268 8380
Toronto (Ontario): (416) 597 8808
Toronto (Ontario): (416) 863 0511; TTY: (416) 364 8762
Toll-free: 1 866 863 0511; TTY 1 866 863 7868
Windsor (Ontario): (519) 253 9667
York (Ontario): (905) 895 7313; Toll-free 1 800 263 6734
York University (Ontario): (416) 650 8056

Quebec

Baie-Comeau (Quebec): Toll-free for 418 area code only 1 800 563 0433
Chateauguay (Quebec): (450) 699 0908; (514) 699 8258
Montreal (Quebec): (514) 934 4504; (514) 843 2645
Quebec City (Quebec): (418) 522 2120
Val d'Or (Quebec): (819) 825 6968

Prince Edward Island

Charlottetown (PEI): (902) 566 8999; Toll-free: 1 800 289 5656

Saskatchewan

Battlefords and Area (Saskatchewan): (306) 445 0055
Lloydminister (Saskatchewan): (306) 825 8255
North Battleford (Saskatchewan): (306) 446 4444
Regina (Saskatchewan): (306) 352 0434
Saskatoon (Saskatchewan): (306) 244 2224

Yukon

*There are no sexual assault centres in the Yukon. Visit http://www.casac.ca/node/60 for list of resources that while not focused on sexual abuse/assault, may be helpful for persons in crisis.

United States

National: 1 800 656 HOPE

For resources in other countries, visit http://www.rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources

REFERENCES

Cohen, L. R. & Hien, D. A. (2006). Treatment outcomes for women with substance abuse and PTSD who have experienced complex trauma. Psychiatric Services, 57(1), 100-106.

Guay, S., Billette, V. & Marchand, A. (2006). Exploring the links between posttraumatic stress disorder and social support: Processes and potential research avenues. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 19(3), 327-338.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips

2009-10-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

When you tell me that I shouldn't drink too much alcohol because that increases my risk of being sexually assaulted, I hear that I was responsible for being raped because I was drunk.

When you tell me to walk with a friend or lock my doors, I hear that I should fear strangers jumping out from the bushes or breaking into my house and not my friend and lover who raped me.

When you tell me to take self-defense classes, or to yell and fight back if I am being attacked, I hear that my natural defense reaction to freeze was wrong.

When you tell me to get to know people before I invite them into my home or go out with them, I hear that I should have known that the person I befriended for several years he was a rapist.

When you tell me to walk confidently, I hear that my body posture made my offender want to sexually assault me.

When you tell me to carry pepper spray, I hear that I am responsible for being sexually assaulted because I didn't.

When you tell me that I should report the assault to the police, I hear that if I don't because I am afraid, or don't want to talk about it, I shouldn't feel this way, and that my need to exert some sort of control after having my power taken away, is wrong.

When you offer me “tips” for my own safety, I hear that it was my behaviour in question, and not my offender's.

And when you tell me that there are things I could do differently, in order to prevent being sexually assaulted, I hear that I am responsible for what someone else does.

It's Not Your Fault

2009-10-11T08:45:00.000-07:00

A post for people who have experienced sexualized violence.

If you froze during the sexual abuse/assault, it's not your fault.

If you were drinking or using other drugs prior to the sexual assault/abuse, it's not your fault.

If you were hitch-hiking, it's not your fault.

If you didn't or couldn't say "no", it's not your fault.

If you are a sex worker, it's not your fault.

If you didn't fight back, it's not your fault.

If you didn't run away, it's not your fault.

If you experienced a physical response (e.g. vaginal lubrication, erection, orgasm), it's not your fault.

If you were dressed a certain way, it's not your fault.

If you trusted and/or loved the offender, it's not your fault.

If you invited the perpetrator into your home, it's not your fault.

If you went to the perpetrator's home, it's not your fault.

If you didn't tell anyone, it's not your fault.

If you didn't go to the police, it's not your fault.

If you changed your mind while engaging in sexual contact, it's not your fault.

If you were walking alone late at night, it's not your fault.

If you were dating or married to the perpetrator, it's not your fault.

If you accepted a ride from the offender, it's not your fault.

If you were drugged by the perpetrator, it's not your fault.

If you weren't carrying or didn't use pepper spray, it's not your fault.

If you engaged in voluntary sexual contact with the offender previously, it's not your fault.

If you went home with a stranger, it's not your fault.

If you liked the attention the offender gave you prior to the sexual abuse/assault, it's not your fault.

If you were sexually abused or assaulted by the same or a different offender in the past, it's not your fault.

If you are a teen and did something your parent(s) told you not to do (e.g. sneak out of the house or go to a party), it's not your fault.

If you didn't lock your windows or doors, it's not your fault.

If you didn't call out or scream during the sexual abuse/assault, it's not your fault.

If you were passed out or sleeping, it's not your fault.

If you were at a party, it's not your fault.

If you still care about the offender, it's not your fault.

*Edited to add the following (from a woman who experienced a sexual assault):

It's not my fault because I was in a hot tub.

It's not my fault because I went in a hot tub at a party.

Roman Polanski and the Rights of Victims

2009-10-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

The Roman Polanski case has recently garnered a lot of media attention. Unfortunately, a number of celebrities have added to this media attention by signing a petition in support of him.

To me, there are a lot of complex and complicated issues with this case, which I would like to share, but I would like to begin with what is not complicated:

1. Polanski sexually assaulted a child. She could not consent because of her age. Furthermore, she was given drugs by Polanski and indicated “no”. Any of these aspects, even individually, constititute a sexual assault.
2. What Polanskidid was not only morally but legally wrong.
3. Celebrities who stand in support of Polanski are fueling a 'rape culture'; that is, a society which condones sexualized violence.

What is complicated, to me, is how we approach this as individuals, as legal systems and as local and global communities when it comes to the rights of the girl (now an adult woman) who was victimized.

Polanski's victim has asked that the case be dropped. She has asked for this because the media attention and any further court involvement will be retraumatizing for her. And I believe her when she says this.

On the one hand, there have been very valid arguments that this is a crime against society that must be punished. That is, sex offenders must be held accountable for the crimes they commit and society must be kept safe from sexual predators.

The Canadian Justice System (which is not involved in the Polanski case) is based upon this premise; sexual assault/abuse crimes are not only crimes against the victims but also crimes against the state, and here in Canada, individuals who are victimized by sexualized violence are not only seen as victims but also as witnesses to a crime, by the Justice System. (The term used is victim/witness).

And this is where it gets complicated for me.

How do we balance the rights of persons victimized by sexualized violence with the need to hold offenders accountable?

In sexual violence cases, the scene of the crime is the victim's body, and often, the strongest piece of evidence is the victim's statement. Thus, the victim is usually needed to prosecute allegations of sexual abuse/assault.

Because the majority of sexual offenses occur where the victim knows their perpetrator, forensic evidence (e.g. “rape kits” and subsequent DNA evidence) may not, by itself, be enough to convict. This is because accused offenders often argue in their defense that the sexual contact was voluntary. And unless the victim was a minor (and under the age of legal consent), the victim is often required to explain how and why voluntary consent was not granted.

As well, many sexual assaults occur without witnesses, with only the victim and perpetrator present.

This can put victims in a terrible position. While some victims feel empowered to speak their truth in a court of law and explain what really happened, for many others, the court process is incredibly scary and disempowering.

The process can be lengthy and occur long after the victim feels some degree of healing and resolution; as well, victims may be made to feel that they are the ones who need to defend themselves in court, even more so than the accused.

Which brings me back to why this whole Polanski business is complicated.

Should a victim have the right to refuse to engage in the legal process, at any point? Does justice and holding sex offenders accountable outweigh the potential harm inflicted on the victim?

I don't have any answers to these questions. I do believe that we must empower people victimized by sexualized violence by allowing them to make choices about whether or not they will engage in legal processes.

In instances of child sexual abuse, this area is more grey because just as they cannot consent to sexual contact, it is perceived that children cannot really consent to participate or not participate in criminal proceedings.

In Edmonton (Alberta, Canada), victim's rights advocates work hard to minimize the potential harm on children. We have a specialized agency called Zebra which interviews children in a child-friendly environment. Investigators are sensitized to interviewing children and their disclosures are video taped which means that they may not have to disclose explicit details, again, in court. Zebra also offers court accompaniment and support to child victims.

The Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton (SACE) offers counselling to people of all genders 3 years of age and older, at no cost to clients. This can help not only with the healing process as a whole, but to emotionally prepare clients of all ages for legal processes.

Unfortunately, not all communities (in Canada, and elsewhere) offer this to child victims. Smaller communities may not have access to the financial resources to create specialized agencies such as Zebra and SACE, and investigators may not necessarily have the training needed to interview a child.

But what about the instances of adult sexual assault or child sexual abuse where the victim is now an adult? What rights should these victims be given to withdraw from criminal proceedings?

I believe people when they say that court processes may do more harm than good to themselves, and I wish that Justice Systems were set up in such a way that we could hold offenders accountable without potentially retraumatizing victims.

I do believe that we, as individuals and communities, can lessen the impact of traumatization by believing people when they disclose sexualized violence. We can listen without judgment, by not asking “why” questions (e.g. “Why were you drinking?” “Why did you go home with this person?” Why didn't you fight back?”)

Media can also help by presenting sexual abuse/assault cases in such a way that does not blame the victim. What a victim did or did not do is not and should not be the issue. For instance, many people who are experiencing sexual assault/abuse “freeze” and may not be able to fight back, run away or even necessarily verbalize no. This is especially the case when the offender is known to the victim (which is the majority of the time), and if the offender is someone the victim trusts or loves. This is also more likely if the victim has been sexually abused or assaulted in the past.

It is the responsibility of all of us to solicit voluntary consent when engaging in sexual contact (e.g. check in with our partner, pay attention to body cues, ensure our partner is not too intoxicated to consent, not use alcohol or other drugs to make our partner more likely to engage in sexual contact, ask our partner what they want to do and don't want to do, etc.)

It is our responsibility to not use positions of trust, authority and power in order to engage in sexual contact. It is also the responsibility of adolescents and adults to not have any sexual contact with children, or expose them to pornography.

In the Polanski case, it is clear that he committed a very serious crime. I just wish that justice systems here in Canada and around the world were set up in such a way that the potential harm of victim was minimized or eradicated all together.

I believe our legal system does not always work for sexual abuse/assault cases in that victims often need to explicitly explain a traumatizing event. We need to revamp the systems, with victim's input, so that their needs and well-being are a priority.

Thin Privilege

2009-10-06T09:01:00.001-07:00

Because I am on a roll in terms of posting on my typically ignored blog, I thought I would write something new.

I would like to preface that I do not believe that thin people are necessarily NOT battling internalized fat phobia, disordered eating or even identify as thin. However, this post is not about the internal stuff that many of us experience (regardless of our size) but rather about the societal privilege thin people experience.

I also don't mean to say that thin people don't experience people thinking or saying that they have an eating disorder (which is definitely prejudiced) and other crap like that. And I don't mean to say that fat prejudice is the only oppression out there; other marginalized groups don't necessarily benefit from the privileges I state below, for other reasons (e.g. racism, trans/bi/homophobia, ableism, ageism, sexism).

This post, however, will focus on thin privilege because I think that when we are talking about oppression (such as fat prejudice) it is important to look at the other side of oppression which is privilege; that is, when people are oppressed, there are people benefiting from that oppression. So here goes nothing.

Monika

PS Please feel free to add in the comments section!!

PPS I have referenced studies randomly, but believe that the voices/experiences of fat people are even more important than research, so some of the references come from these (often dismissed) voices. You know, because oppressed people couldn't have ANY idea about their experiences! There are also links to websites talking about thin privilege at the very bottom.

PPPS I haven't gone through the websites I used as references to ensure that they don't contain oppressive crap. They very well may.

THIN PRIVILEGE

1. Being able to buy, order or eat any sort of beverage or food without people judging you as "gluttonous" or "not needing that".

2. Being able to buy cheaper clothes.

3. Being found more attractive than fat people, even by children. (see reference C)

4. Being more likely to be hired. (see references A and B)

5. Being less likely to be viewed non-compliant, ugly, unattractive, weak-willed, awkward and sloppy by doctors. (see reference A)

6. Being visible in media and portrayed in positive ways (e.g. attractive). (see reference D)

7. Being viewed as healthier than fat people.

8. Being viewed as more competent in employment situations. (see reference B)

9. Being perceived as active.

10. Not having to pay more for, or being denied, health insurance due to one's body size. (see reference E)

11. Not necessarily having medical symptoms automatically considered to be weight-related.

12. Being able to fit in public chairs and seats such as on the bus, train, etc.

13. Not being told to lose weight.

References:

A. http://www.canada.com/story_print.html?id=1609133

B. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1998/02/980222141845.htm

C. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2504562/Four-year-olds-think-fat-people-are-stupid-and-ugly.html

D. http://whatswrittenonmybody.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-week-has-been-full-of-fat-jokes.html

E. http://therealjae.livejournal.com/1062980.html

For other cites on thin privilege visit:

http://www.fatshionista.com/cms/index.php?option=com_mojo&Itemid=69&p=10

http://kateharding.net/2009/01/29/guest-blogger-volcanista-on-thin-privilege/

http://ghostlove.livejournal.com/224095.html

The Patriarchy, Capitalism and Fat Phobia

2009-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

Something else I wrote for the zine (see this link)

The patriarchy controls women in a number of ways. We are considered too fat, too sexual, not sexual enough, too old, too strong, too weak, too dark, too hairy, too masculine, too feminine, too loud, too soft. Women's bodies and voices aren't supposed to take up too much space, and our natural body odours are too strong and disgusting. No matter what we do, we aren't good enough.

Keeping women feeling bad about themselves and their bodies causes us to consume more – make up, diets, exercise plans, razors, whitening products, hair removal mechanisms and harmful products to mask our natural smells.

In a non-capitalist world, would women be more free to be and love ourselves just as we are? And can capitalism exist without racism, sexism, cissexism, transphobia, transmisogyny, ageism, and ableism?

Perhaps one of the first ways we can tackle fat phobia is to challenge society's messages about consumption and women's bodies.

I have been fat and healthy and thin and unhealthy. Body shape and size is by no means an accurate indicator of physical health although we would never know this through the pathologizing mechanisms of medical systems and diet industries.

Personally, I see much more harm from increased self-esteem, self-hatred, body dysmorphis, yo-yo dieting, anorexia and bulimia than I do from fat.

Collectively, we can challenge misconceptions about fat and fat people, including the ideas that fat people are lazy or lack self-control, that they don't eat healthy or exercise. We can refuse to buy into the messages of the diet industries and other capitalist mechanisms that tell us what we should or should not do or look like.

This is by no means a small feat, but together, and as individuals, we can change our world.

What is fat prejudice?

2009-10-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

This is a piece I wrote for a zine a friend and I compiled for the 2009 Edmonton Anarchist Bookfair. If I may say so, it is a fabulous zine and if people want copies (to read, distro- it's copy left) send me a line. I would love it if people wanted to add (via comments) other examples of fat prejudice. Monika

What is fat prejudice?

Calling people gross because they are fat

Stereotyping fat people as lazy or as lacking will power

Assuming fat people are unhealthy

Thinking or saying someone looks better when they lose weight

Finding fat people unattractive

Yelling “fatty!” or other insults at fat people (yes, this happens. A LOT)

Clothes for fat people not being available in most stores or costing twice as much

Telling fat people that they should lose weight

Viewing fat people as a burden on the health care system

Treating fat people like they don’t exist

Telling fat women they would be really pretty if they just lost some weight

Asking a fat person “do you really need that?” about something they are eating

Doctors treating a fat person’s presenting symptoms as related to their weight, even when they aren’t

Judging a fat person’s purchases at a grocery store, coffee shop, restaurant

Saying that fat people shouldn’t wear certain clothes

PETA has done it again

2009-09-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

I could do a whole blog just on PETA... But here is one of their latest ads:

Just in case you didn't know, skinny is preferable to fat and us fat people are repulsive. (I wonder if this applies to fat vegans, like myself?)

There are a number of reasons people may be fat, ranging from genetics to diet and exercise. But frankly, I don't care much about that. What I care about is the media constantly telling us there is one ideal body size and what this does to people. You know, body shame, disordered eating, self-loathing, diet addiction, death.

Not like it matters, but I am an animal liberationist. I don't believe in eating or otherwise using the flesh and other body parts of animals. I don't believe in animal testing, rodeos and other forms of exploitation. I have protested circuses, McDonalds, fur stores. I rescue abused and stray cats.

I say this only because I believe in a lot of the things that PETA believes in and would support PETA if they weren't such assholes. PETA has pissed me off before with its chronic sexism and racism (see my blog posting here). Now they are feeding into the fat phobic / fat misogynistic machine which tells girls and women that they need to be skinny.

Guess what PETA? The obsession to be thin is killing girls and women, just as the meat industry kills (non-human) animals. Girls are already cutting meat out of their diet to lose weight, and not substituting other foods like tofu and beans to get the vital nutrients they need.

Let's encourage people to cut out meat because it hurts animals and the environment and contributes to world hunger. NOT because it will make them skinny.

Because animal rights includes human liberation.

* I want to give a big fat kudos to http://whatswrittenonmybody.blogspot.com/2009/08/standing-up-to-fat-phobia-peta-style.html

PLEASE check out this post. It is amazing (and a thousand times more eloquent than my rant!)

Cats!

2009-05-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

Pedophiles for PETA

2009-02-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

I have had long-standing issues with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). Not because of their positions on animal abuse and veganism (which I agree with) but due to the racist and sexist methods they use to get their message out.

PETA has actually shocked me, this time, with a "quiz" involving the striptease of a woman in a schoolgirl uniform. (See this link.)

PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk, as always, brushes off feminist criticisms of sexist PETA actions by saying essentially "I can't be sexist! I am a woman! I am a feminist!" Or, if you prefer, her own words:

"Well, [feminist criticisms of PETA are] rubbish because the organization is run by a woman, who is me. I marched in the earliest of rallies, I am an adamant feminist."

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with nudity. But when we consistently see (mostly) women of particular body types used to "sexually entice" people (straight men) to "join the cause" I get pissed. (See here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. And in case you are thinking "well, they sometimes have men too!", contrast the images of women against the much more non-pornified and comedic images of men here, here, here, here and here.)

Now with the striptease quiz, is PETA enticing the kiddie porn market? Are these really the people PETA wants on their side?

From the ads, it appears that PETA's target audience is straight, adult men. But we know that far more women, and especially teenage girls, are sympathetic to animal rights and vegetarianism/veganism.

One would think that PETA is missing or maybe even expanding their target audience. Or is this just a continuation of "selling" to girls and women the idea needing to be sexy for men? That our intrinsic value comes from men perceiving us as attractive? That above all else, women are sexual objects, even when we are fighting animal abuse?

I mentioned earlier that PETA also has a history of racism. Take this PETA action (also here), where two (white) PETA activists dressed up as members of the KKK to protest the American Kennel Club (AFC).

Not like it matters, but I too have a problem with animal breeding when there are so many animals out there who desperately need homes. And those of you who know me, know how seriously I take this; Chris and I have 18 rescue kitties, some of which are purebreds who would have likely otherwise been euthanized (killed) because of behaviour and health problems. So I can rant about the problems with breeding any day.

But how PETA articulates this message is absolutely offensive.

So, someone at PETA thought it would be a great idea to dress up as KKK members to protest the AFC, arguing that they are trying to create a "master race".

I was thinking about who would be most receptive to this protest, or who would think that this was a good idea. And what came to mind was white people. For People of Colour, seeing persons dressing up as the KKK and standing on the street corner handing out literature for ANY reason has got to be damn frightening.

I am not suggesting that the use of controversial images is never appropriate in activism. But the way that PETA uses women and People of Colour mimics the sexist and racist oppressions of society. And you can't liberate one group by oppressing another.

PETA would be smart not to alienate its natural allies, particularly since the topic of animal rights is so unpopular to begin with.

Which is perhaps the problem. I don't want animal rights, I want liberation. For all.

Bunky and Meow Meow

2008-12-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

Penguin outwits orcas

2008-12-15T21:33:00.000-08:00

one of the most awesome things I have ever seen. watch until the end!

(don't mind the crappy dance music)

How to bake a pumpkin pie

2008-11-18T18:34:00.000-08:00

1. Buy crusts that are freezer burned and broken.

2. Refuse to throw away crusts. Improvise by squishing two crusts together and throwing another crust on top of pumpkin mess "to hold it together"

3. Neglect to actually make a pumpkin filler. Just use plain pumpkin.

4. Bake. Watch it fall and turn into a sloppy mess.

5. Still refuse to give up! Mix it up so that it looks like a "crumble" (it works for apple crumble, right?)

6. Taste. Realise the filling sucks. Add copious amounts of sugar and vegan cool whip to make it tolerable.

7. Stir it up. Consider putting it in a blender and passing it as a pumpkin pie smoothie.

Kitty Pics

2008-11-18T18:28:00.000-08:00

Roofers

2008-10-26T08:20:00.000-07:00

My brothers, Elliot and Oliver as roofers.

More kitty pics!

2008-10-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Christmas on the fridge:

Vinnie going for a walk:

Can you see the kitties?

Meow Meow on our TV!

Meow Meow and Bunky snuggling:

Pics of our trip to Vancouver Island!

2008-10-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

Federal Election 2008

2008-10-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

So I asked the local (Edmonton East) candidates the following questions. I have posted their answers below. (I am still waiting on the Conservative response).

1) How does your party plan on addressing the appalling levels of poverty and discrimination faced by Canadians with disAbilities?

2) How do you plan on addressing violence against women and other marginalized communities (e.g. LGBTTIQQ, Aboriginals, sex workers, etc.)

3) What are your thoughts on the Conservatives' destruction of the Court Challenges Program, and what (if anything) would you do to address the huge legal gaps that now exist because of the elimination of this program?

4) Do you support same sex marriage?

5) How have you or your party voted when it comes to bills about women's reproductive health and choices?

6) What are your thoughts on Canada in Afghanistan?

7) What are your environmental plans?

Responses (in the order I received them):

Stephanie Laskoski (Liberal):

As an Alberta Liberal Member of Parliament, I will:

1. Sign the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities; Develop a national plan, including a focus on supports and access to technology to ensure equality of opportunity and increased income and economic security; Increase funding for employability assistance programs and improving post-secondary education facilities for the disabled and increase funding for the Residential Rehabilitation Assistance Program.

2. I am committed to building a Canada where TRUE equality exists FOR ALL. This will begin by including “gender” in the hate propaganda provision to help end societal acceptance for those who would incite hatred against women. I would also petition to have “sex” added to the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which would make room for those discriminated against for reasons of sexuality. I recently completed a film on street prostitution, and I discovered that the current provisions in the criminal code are NOT working; I would petition to make changes.

3. Court Challenges would be re-instated, and improved.

4. I support same sex marriage, and incidentally, it was the Liberals that have ALWAYS supported same sex marriage, and always will.

5. We are pro-choice. I am pro-choice.

6. Our position, which I support, is to leave Afghanistan in July 2011. We cannot stay there indefinitely, particularly because other countries need our help. Of course, the next two years would be spent helping the Afghan Army to prepare for our withdrawal. We have too many of our soldiers committed to this particular mission, and we need to send others to assist other countries. We would also attempt to re-build Canada’s reputation as “PEACEKEEPERS”. This is very important to me.

7. Our environmental plan is aggressive and courageous. The Liberals will shift taxes, NOT INCREASE TAXES, from revenue to pollution. This way, we penalize what we don’t want – POLLUTION – and encourage what we do want – KEEPING OUR OWN MONEY. This will result in money from polluters that will be used for social programs. It is the best plan, and top economists fully support it and even go as far as saying this is the only plan that will work to cut pollution and emissions, but also bring revenue to keep important social programs in place, and improve many others.

Trey Capnerhurst (Green Party):

1) http://www.greenparty.ca/en/policy/visiongreen/partfour

http://www.greenparty.ca/en/releases/22.09.2008

2) http://www.greenparty.ca/en/gpcvote08/motions/p14

3) http://www.greenparty.ca/en/releases/13.06.2008

http://www.greenparty.ca/en/releases/07.03.2008b

4) http://www.greenparty.ca/en/gpcvote08/motions/p135

http://www.greenparty.ca/en/policy/visiongreen/partfour#_Toc180047642

5) None of us have voted in the House of Commons of course, but all of our policies are voted on by the members. So every policy you see from the Greens has the majority of member votes.

6) http://www.greenparty.ca/en/policy/visiongreen/afghanistan

7) http://www.greenparty.ca/en/policy/visiongreen/partthree

Ray Martin (NDP):

1. http://www.ndp.ca/platform/otherpriorities/peoplewithdisabilities

2. For Women: http://www.ndp.ca/platform/otherpriorities/equality,
Aboriginals: http://www.ndp.ca/platform/otherpriorities/firstnationsinuitandmetis,
and Human Rights: http://www.ndp.ca/platform/otherpriorities/humanrights

3. We would restore the Court Challenges program

4. Yes

5. We are a pro-choice party and vote accordingly

6. http://www.ndp.ca/platform/otherpriorities/canada

7. http://www.ndp.ca/platform/environment

Some More Meows!

2008-06-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

Lucy helping with the dishes!

Widget

Trois and Kit Kat

This has proven to be a very popular box!

Chance posing!

Dee Dee posing!

Dee Dee and Christmas lounging

Widget close-up

Lucy making banana bread

Spunky going for a walk

Jaylo in her box in the kitchen

Here is the newest addition - Henry. He recently had eye surgery because his lower lids were turned in, so his eyes look yucky.

Dee Dee in the bookshelf.

Chocos enjoying the heat.

Bogart under the coffee table.

Meow!

2008-06-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

Meow Meow the cuddler!

And jumping for cuddles!

Lucy in the closet!

Rea in a box!

This is what we come home to...

Lucy sleeping on the kitchen counter.

Widget, Vinnie and Jaylo after having had supper - and advocating for more!

Jimmy!
Chris put up these shelves so I'd have more room for plants. The cats pretty much took them over.

Christmas!

Meow Meow and Callie snuggling!

Bogart in the bath tub!

Workshop Pics

2008-04-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

At Chris' insistence, here are some pics of the shop. This used to be a garage but it got all dry walled in with a steel door with a gazillion locks, so neighbours probably think we have a grow op inside...

Here are some kick ass shelving units Adriaan found in a dumpster:

This is one of the workbenches Chris built:

And just a few clamps:

And this is the bench top Delta jointer, whatever that means:

Here is the drum sander:

Here is the bass he is working on:

And some purdy wood shavings:

Sex Equality

2008-04-12T14:47:00.000-07:00

Check out all these awesome comics at Zmag

"I've Never Benefited from Racism!"

2008-04-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

LOL Cat

2008-04-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

Another brilliant LOL Cat circulating the net...

More Kitty Pics!

2008-04-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

So I am finally getting around to uploading images... some from Christmas! But anyways...

Sandy (the original mom of our cats) came to visit to see Shadow before she died. I got some great shots while she was here!

Here Christmas is nuzzling Sandy:

And Sandy giving Stinky (aka Vinnie) a shave:

Here Sandy is with Shadow in her final days:

And Sandy with Bunky:

Here is a shot of Kit Kat (who is still too scared of us to let us pet her) and Spunky:

And a Roxie close up!

Here is Rea on one of the many kitty beds around our house. We are so lucky that people give us beds!

What I love most about this picture is Bogart in the background - in my suitcase! (I had no idea when I was taking this picture):

And Bogart by the computer:

Jaylo matches our new lino downstairs!

Vinnie helping Dad!

Spunky:

Trois sleeping in my jacket:

Snoozing in the spare room:

Jimmy stretching out:

Dee Dee by the window:

Callie:

Bogart in one of his favourite places - the shoe rack by the front door!

This is the shoe rack we used to have! (And Bogart also liked it!)

Meow Meow and his boyfriend Bunky:

Can you find the cat?

Christmas by the front door, ready to pounce!

Vinnie helping Dad! (In hindsight this is really cute, but at the time Vinnie was so annoying trying to hop on Chris' chair that we had to get him his own chair!)

I Loves the LOL Cat

2008-03-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

From http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Mainstream Media

2008-01-26T13:29:00.001-08:00

Walmart Video

2008-01-26T13:10:00.001-08:00

Shadow

2008-01-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Shadow died in the presence of Chris, myself, and her previous human companion of 8 years, Sandy (who originally rescued Shadow from "the streets"). Words cannot express how much she is loved and missed.

More Kitty Pics!

2007-12-27T13:56:00.000-08:00

I got myself a new winter jacket from MEC and wasn't sure what to do with this one. (I want to find it a good home, but the zipper is busted). Turns out Dee Dee wants it. She has been sleeping on it pretty much non-stop since I put it down almost a week ago.

Shadow is doing well, despite her diagnosis of terminal cancer. She seems to be eating okay, and is very active. However, her coat is not that great. We will be taking her to the vet next week to weigh her.

Fortunately, her mom (who we got her from) is going to come and visit her before she passes on. Here she is snuggling with Kit Kat.

Turns out Bogart is a pillow sleeper! Here is Chris with Bunky (left), Shadow (on him), Bogart (on pillow) and Chocos (bottom).

This is Lucy, our oldest cat. She looks very similar to Meow Meow, but Meow Meow has a little cut on his ear. Back when Meow Meow would attack us if we pet him, I often mistook the two - ouch!

Close-ups of Dee Dee!

Chocos looking very regal.

I love that Chance poses for pictures!

This one is from the summer, but I forgot to post it. Here is Widget, sunning herself.

Meow Meow is definitely our most affectionate cat (at least with Chris!)

Here is Vinnie with his head in a beans can. Vinnie (aka Stinky) had a bath today because he has been particularly pungent.

Here is a close-up of Spunky. He and Bunky are our "big" cats, who are Maine Coons - a breed known for their intelligence and size. Bunky (pictured below, with grey markings) is loved by Meow Meow. Like, really loved. Meow Meow is rather obsessed with Bunky, following him around all the time. When Bunky needs his space and swats Meow Meow, Meow Meow howls like an abandoned lover.

Here is Spunky drinking from the bathroom sink.

And here is Bunky, Meow Meow's boyfriend.

Callie is enjoying a day on the bed. She is one of our more skittish cats, although she loves being pet. She squeaks for attention, literally.

Chris' parents gave our kitties this tent (along with other fabulous gifts). Jimmy, of course, takes immediate ownership of the tent, and doesn't allow anyone else nearby.

This is Jaylo in her favourite spot, in her bed in the kitchen. She is now totally toothless (she required extensive dental surgery because of rotten teeth) and is much more spunky. She loves licking margarine, which she actually follows us around, begging for. (She is presently looking at me as if to say "I know what you are talking about. Now give me the margarine!!")

Here she is with her tongue out!

Dee Dee looks very ferocious but in fact, she is only yawning.

Bogart was being an adventurer the other day. He knocked stuff off the side table, including this kleenex box which he explored with much vigour.

Meow!

2007-12-22T09:14:00.001-08:00

Just in case you were wanting more cat pics!

2007-11-27T15:30:00.000-08:00

Auntie Linda gave my kitties a cat bed with cat nip in it. It is a big hit!

Some cute ones of Vinnie.

Spunky!

Shadow. She has been just diagnosed with terminal cancer, with a life expectancy of well under a year. But we are hopeful.

Folk Fest.

My cousins' (Jason and Craig) cats.

Some nice ones of Meow Meow.

Jimmy in curtains.

Jaylo the lion!

Dee Dee with the treat bag.

Meowminator has been super lovey with Chris.

One of the few times Kit Kat let me pet her.

Here is Chicken, a kitten that was staying with us for a few months.

Here are some from when we were having the reno's done.

Callie not too sure about Chicken.

Here is Bogart having a snooze.

Meow Meow

2007-10-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

Please keep in mind this is the "feral" (wild) cat.

Edmonton Municipal Elections 2007

2007-10-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

Being new to Edmonton, I have no idea about who is good who is running for mayor, etc.

So I have started with the following questions which I have emailed to mayoral candidates:

1) What social justice issues are you involved in?

2) In what ways are you honouring the diversity of Edmonton (cultural, GLBTQ, youth, etc.)?

3) How have you or will you support anti-violence initiatives?

Specifically I am interested in candidates who have a history of involvement with the not-for-profit and social justice sector, who are Queer-positive and involved with anti-oppressive groups and activities, and whose anti-violence beliefs go beyond "we need more cops".

I have had my first response immediately:

I'm working on social justice for Canada's unborn children.

I believe homosexuality is an abomination and support returning the practice to the criminal code.

I also believe Jesus Christ can forgive the sin of homosexuality and can set those in bondage free.....

www.NARTH.com

www.exodus-international.org

God Bless

Bill Whatcott

North America's ultimate social conservative online community: www.freenorthamerica.com

I guess the question on everyone's mind is "who would Jesus imprison?"

This Week In Pictures

2007-07-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Here is Vinnie, trying to encourage us to get everyone's dinner ready faster.

I love this picture of Meow Meow. He is doing really well with letting us pet him and not being as scared.

Dee Dee in a box!

Here is Chris with our new laptop!

Bunky likes to sleep in the tub.

Here is our Living Room. As our basement is being reno'ed, we are living in our bedroom. With 19 cats. In terribly hot weather.

Rea on top of boxes.

Jimmy!
Shadow.

Widget in her new sleeping place.

Latest (and last!) Kitties

2007-07-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

I have been incredibly negligent in posting the pics of our last five kitties, which makes our household up to 19 cats (which is our absolute limit!) Here are the pics of the new guys and gals.

We got a mom and daughter pair, who are absolutely adorable. Mom ("Roxie") is 17 years old and her daughter ("Rea") is 15. Here are some pictures of Roxie.

And some of Rea.

This is Shadow. She is a tiny little thing who loves to sleep around my neck at night. (This first picture makes her look a lot bigger than she is because of the angle.)

This is Bunky - one of the two big guys we got (the other one is named Spunky). When we first got him, he was incredibly timid, but within a week he was relaxed and had taken over the house, so to speak.

And this is Spunky. They look very similar, but Bunky has grey tones, and Bunky has brown tones. Both are very friendly and docile. I believe they both have Maine Coon in them. (That would explain the size!!)

And here is Roxie (mamma) and Spunky. Cute cute!

Pride 2007 - Edmonton

2007-07-12T13:58:00.000-07:00

Watch Out for Roaming Lesbian Gangs!

2007-07-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

GLAAD Calls on the Program to Explain Sensational, Irresponsible Report and Issue Formal Apology

On the June 21 edition of Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor, Fox News Crime Analyst Rod Wheeler detailed what he called a “national network” of so-called “lesbian gangs” that prey on young girls. Using exaggerated, sensational language, Wheeler claimed there are more than 150 such gangs in the Washington, D.C., area alone.

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) contacted the Washington, D.C., Metropolitan Police Department to research the statistics Wheeler cited and found that the information he reported is highly suspect. Sgt. Brett Parson, a member and the former commander of the D.C. Metro Police Department’s Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit, says the numbers are grossly exaggerated.

Parson is quoted along with GLAAD in a Southern Poverty Law Center Intelligence Report article titled, “The Oh-Really Factor,” which debunks the June 21 report, pointing out its numerous flaws and highlighting its sensationalistic tone.

"We have 150 to 175 total gangs in the D.C. area, and out of those only nine where the predominance of members are female," Parson said. "You simply can't make the jump that they are lesbians. I think it is fair to talk about violence and female gangs. But to sensationalize or marginalize a community by making a statement like that seems irresponsible."

Gaithersburg, Md., Detective Patrick Word is President of the Mid-Atlantic Regional Gang Investigators Network, an intelligence-sharing organization of 400 criminal justice professionals in Maryland; Washington, D.C.; and Virginia. He told the Intelligence Report, "there is no evidence whatsoever of a lesbian gang epidemic in this region...our membership reports only one lesbian gang."

GLAAD is calling on The O'Reilly Factor, which touts itself as the "No Spin Zone," and Fox News Crime Analyst Rod Wheeler to provide background information and evidence to support the wild claims made in the "Lesbian Gang Epidemic" segment. GLAAD is also strongly urging The O'Reilly Factor host Bill O'Reilly and Wheeler to correct the information in a follow-up report and to issue a formal apology to the lesbian community.

"The O'Reilly Factor segment essentially reported a national epidemic of lesbian gangs preying on young girls without offering one solid statistic or credible source," said Rashad Robinson, GLAAD's Senior Director of Media Programs. "This type of inaccurate tabloid journalism perpetuates dangerous stereotypes about lesbians and feeds a climate of homophobia, anti-gay discrimination and violence. That's the real national epidemic, but not one you're likely to see reported with such zeal by Bill O'Reilly."

From http://www.glaad.org/action/calls_detail.php?id=4031

Another Update! House and Kitties

2007-06-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

Thought I would upload all my pictures today seeing as I had the day off, although it didn't feel like much of one.

I spent all of this morning at the car repair shop because there was something wrong with the car (the piston was misfiring??) I spent the time studying, then came home and studied and wrote quiz #4 of 5 (now I just have one more quiz, a final exam and a paper).

I am presently taking a biological psychology course because it is needed to begin the process of registration as a psychologist. I have to also take an assessment course which is bit of a nightmare (finding one for example; they all are full and with lengthy waitlists). But I will tackle that when I am done this course. One step at a time!

Chris and our friend Adriaan were busy today. (Adriann has been awesome in helping us out with the workshop and flooded basement). Today they were filling up holes in the garage (soon to be workshop).

Here is Adriaan in front of a very sturdy door. He and Chris mounted it and secured it on both sides a few weekends ago.

Here is the outside of the garage. Chris picked up some paint from the Eco-Station today (very strange colours).

There is an amazing woman who literally looks after all of the gardens in the neighbourhood. She got rid of all the weeds in our planters and is planting some vegetables. She also trimmed the hedges in the back (we are wanting to move them back to the very front of the garage; more room plus more visibility of the garage) and all the front trees, etc. She is truly amazing.

These guys are blooming, which is nice. (There is my freshly repaired car in the distance!)

Alas, we have not taken down the Christmas lights. And it doesn't look like we are going to.

And here is what you have all been waiting for, cat pictures!

Here is Callie looking out the window. She is still very shy (I got her in my last trip to Kelowna) but is warming up.

Poor Adriaan, being snuggled by Stinky, I mean Vinnie. (Our pet name for Vinnie)

Soon to be attacked by some more kitties...

Bogart and Jaylo in the kitchen.

And good old Vinnie. (He is looking a little pathetic since we shaved him)

Dee Dee in her favourite spot - on the table in the kitchen, by the window.

And Chris with Vinnie and Chance.

Meow Meow has been sleeping on our bed lately. Cute!

Dianne and Norm gave us this awesome basket. Lucy is loving it right now.

And a close-up of Jimmy.

Dee Dee on a box. Of course.

Christmas hanging out.

Chocos.

Chance vs. the newspaper.

Here is Kit Kat on the chair. She is still very frightened of us, but at least she isn't still hiding under the bed, as she did for the first month!

Widget in her favourite spot (sleeping on our bed).

Kitties Galore

2007-05-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

I thought I would write a quick kitty update since I have been neglecting to do so for awhile.

This morning, I took Widget (pictured below) to the vet for her Phenobarb blood level testing. She did alright, considering we have to give her a Valium before going to the vet.

Something that is terribly exciting and most unexpected - Meow Meow (below, in window) - who is the feral (wild) cat, has actually been allowing us to pet her. Chris can get a few scratches in, and I can scratch her and even stroke her body. We honestly never expected this. Now that she allows us to do this, I am hoping she will one day allow me to trim the mat that she has on her tail...

Lucy, who probably sleeps the most in our household, has been very playful since we've been having nice weather. She plays with toys, and runs around, and seems to be somewhat less aggressive towards Chance. Here (below) Lucy has fallen asleep on her toys. Cute!

Here (below) is Chocos on his back, showing his belly, which is something he loves to do in the sun. Very cute! Since we have fixed our front screen door so it latches, we have been able to leave the front door open, and the cats love having an extra place to peer out of. This picture has Bogart looking outside and Meow Meow coming to join him.

So far, we have only had one 'escape' and that was Bogart who is most aggressive about coming outside. I was basically leaving the house and while cautious about kitties, he proceeded to bolt past me, and slip through my legs with quite a bit of force. It was quite funny because he was half way down the steps when he realised he had made it outside, and turned around and bolted back in.

We have moved our downstairs TV into the spare bedroom since it is still such a disaster down there. I am not a big fan of this (I really like as little 'technology' on the main floor as possible) but I certainly am not a fan of the downstairs stench. Here is Kit Kat (currently, our most shy cat) and Chocos on the chair. Kit Kat is very frightened of us still, but is coming around slowly.

Like Christmas, Bogart loves sleeping 'in' things. Here he is in the toy box.

And a litter pan (yes, he sleeps here!)

And in a new box.

And here he is with Meow Meow, looking outside a basement window. As I mentioned before, our basement is still a mess... So basically, I try to block it out of my mind as much as possible. I go downstairs to do laundry, clean kitty litter and go online (which I do a lot less because it is such a disaster). I am hoping to look after insurance today because I think they think they are installing carpet but we want tile. We are hoping to do the tile ourselves to save money.

This made my day...

2007-05-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Gay Flamingos Adopt Abandoned Chick

LONDON (AFP) - A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years, a British conservation organisation said Monday.

Carlos and Fernando had been desperate to start a family, even chasing other flamingos from their nests to take over their eggs at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust (WWT) in Slimbridge near Bristol.

But their egg-sitting prowess made them the top choice for taking an unhatched egg under their wings when one of the Greater Flamingo nests was abandoned.

The couple, together for six years, can feed chicks by producing milk in their throats.

"Fernando and Carlos are a same sex couple who have been known to steal other flamingos' eggs by chasing them off their nest because they wanted to rear them themselves," said WWT spokeswoman Jane Waghorn.

"They were rather good at sitting on eggs and hatching them so last week, when a nest was abandoned, it seemed like a good idea to make them surrogate parents."

Gay flamingos are not uncommon, she added.

"If there aren't enough females or they don't hit it off with them, they will pair off with other males," she said.

It turns out that this is not the first chick this couple has adopted; see here for more information. Monika

Basement Update

2007-05-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

As I type, a plumber is fixing the drain that caused the flood in our basement. He was here last week but couldn't repair it then because the ground was too saturated.

He has been here for four hours (so far) and I am REALLY hoping he is able to finish today because we REALLY need to do laundry. (I didn't realise how much laundry we do until we aren't able to do it!) I am really thankful Chris' mom did a whole bunch of laundry for us last weekend; that gave us enough clothes and towels for the week!

We have ripped out 99% of the carpet (there are a few pieces difficult to get to because they are under heavy bookcases presently filled with books) and have found out that our walls will need to be ripped out and redone, also. While insurance doesn't cover the 'originating problem' (the repair of the drain which will be about $2300), it will cover the replacement of the flooring and walls (hallelujah!) We are excited to be 'upgrading' our ugly carpet to tiles, which will cost a pretty penny (I am sure) but is something we wanted to do this summer, anyways!

So life is stressful but good. The cats are rebelling by stinking up the basement (i.e. peeing on any remaining tiny piece of carpet). I am inclined to do the same.

How was your weekend?

2007-05-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

The Cats

2007-05-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

So what is it like living with 14 cats?
This just about sums it up...

This is Kit Kat, who is very very slowly starting to come out...

Trois navigating his three legs just fine...

Crunchy standoff between Jaylo and Christmas.

As I type this, Jimmy demands my attention.

Chance, who has 'little cat syndrome'. She is by far one of the smallest kitties, and yet manages to pick fights with just about everyone. For the most part, the cats get along; there are hisses every now and then but nothing major. But Chance is stalked and hated by several cats - we were told she was 'bullied' at her previous home by another cat. However, we have seen the way she operates, harassing all the other cats until they engage...

This is why it sucks being the first one up... (Try getting ANYTHING done without feeding them all!)
Christmas in a basket!
Dee Dee in one of her favourite spots.

Here are some pics of Bogart, who is also a little bit timid.

We do try to discourage him from resting in the litter pan. Truly we do!

YouTube Video Examining Religious Right’s Anti-GLBT ‘Day Of Truth’

2007-04-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

‘Day of Truth’ Promotes Shame and Pushes ‘Ex-Gay’ Conversion Therapy In Public Schools, Says Filmmaker Daniel Gonzales

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. - Truth Wins Out unveiled a new video today on YouTube examining the “Day of Truth” which aims to push gay youth into ‘ex-gay’ conversion programs. In response to GLSEN’s “Day of Silence” where gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth remain silent to protest the silencing effect discrimination and harassment has on LGBT youth, the far right Alliance Defense Fund created a “Day of Truth” one day after the pro-gay “Day of Silence.”

“The ‘Day of Truth’ is nothing but an elaborate attempt by right wing groups to push junk psychology and bad-theology on gay youth,” says Daniel Gonzales who helped write and narrate the video. Gonzales is a former patient of ‘ex-gay’ therapist and NARTH president Joseph Nicolosi.

The religious right sells their “Day of Truth” as a compassionate message of truth but this film examines how the real message being pushed at this event is neither compassionate nor truthful.

Link to Video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI4-eDG3Bb0

Truth Wins Out is a non-profit organization that counters right-wing propaganda, exposes the “ex-gay” myth and educates America about gay life. For more information, visit www.TruthWinsOut.org.