Things I am Learning from Sex and the City (TV Series)

While I house/catsit for a friend, I am watching all of the episodes of Sex and the City. And I am learning a lot of things, some good, some bad. So in no random order...

1) Women's friendships are powerful and important. To me, this is perhaps the most awesome message of this show. Carrie's, Miranda's, Samantha's and Charlotte's friendship is tight, and they work out their problems through honesty and compassion. They have their ups and down but they are supportive and communicative. While there definitely are examples of the very ugly, sexist, stereotypical "women are all jealous of each other, catty bitches" in the show, it doesn't exist in the central friendship, and that I like. A lot.

2) Women don't communicate all the same way. The patriarchy likes to tell us that all women communicate one way, and all men in another way. (We are completely opposite, after all). Women are (allegedly) indirect, emotionally/relationally driven and our communication is supposed to reflect this. However, Sex and the City demonstrates various ways of women communicating, from frank/direct to mushy. And I don't feel like women who communicate in non-stereotypically "feminine" ways (e.g. Samantha) are penalized for doing so. In fact, I feel that non-stereotypical women behaviour is even celebrated, to varying degrees.

3) People of Colour don't exist. Perhaps one of its greatest flaws, Sex and the City is about white women, period. People of Colour show up very sporadically, peripherally and often in very stereotypical ways. What first comes to mind is the "angry Black woman" stereotype in the sister of a man that Samantha dates/sleeps with. The only Indian characters I can think of were cab drivers. Like many popular TV series, Sex and the City is written with the white lens in mind, and People of Colour are misrepresented - if they are shown at all.

4) Lesbians don't exist, other than for male titillation and experimentation. Sure, there is some chique lesbian experimentation (e.g. Samantha's brief relationship with a woman, a threesome and a few same sex kisses) but I get the sense that this was more for titillation than actual real interest in lesbian relationships. Heterosexuality is ultimately favoured and normalized in Sex and the City, and heterosexism is subsequently enforced.

5) Women face sexism in the paid labour force. One of my favourite episodes is when Samantha and Miranda talk about how very differently they are treated as professionals, because they are women. This episode explores how women are considered "overly emotional" and the impact of this oppression on women. Fabulous. (And what would have made it even better would have been to acknowledge the multiplicity of oppressions that women may face, including racism, sexism, transphobia, in the paid labour force and beyond.)

6) Women's lives circulate around men. I am going to preface this by saying that while (straight) romantic relationships are far too important in Sex and the City (at least for my liking), I do believe that the womens' friendships are portrayed as ultimately more important. That said, every episode has at least one of the women lamenting their singleness or a relationship they are in/starting/ending. I keep on hearing that Sex and the City celebrates the single woman, but I just don't see it. When these women are single, it is only temporary. Even "liberated" Samantha falls in love, several times, and ends up in a relationship with a man.

7) Women aren't innate nurturers. I love love love how Miranda parents. She struggles. She nearly drops a child at a baby shower. She doesn't quit her (paid) job. (And there is even portrayals of how mothers are oppressed in the paid labour force). Miranda loves her kid, but she doesn't love all kids, just because she is a woman. And Sex and the City shows that mothers can have lives and their own identities beyond their child(ren). How refreshing.

8) Women are more confident and sexy when they are skinny. The episode where Miranda finally fits her "skinny jeans" sets back feminism and the fat activist movement big time. Why can't Miranda feel beautiful when she had extra "baby weight"? Thank fat phobia for that one.

9) Women dread getting older. Actually, no they don't. Sex and the City does a nice shift throughout the show. In earlier episodes, Samantha lies about her age, but later on, she embraces it. (Well, at least mostly; she still freaks out over a grey pubic hair).

10) Trans people don't exist beyond being sex workers*. I can't think of one trans character who isn't a sex worker* or even mention of cissexism. While Sex and the City will occasionally touch on sexism, it tends to avoid (and reinforce) other oppressions, and transphobia is one of them.

*Thank you, "anonymous" for pointing this out.

11) Women like sex. What is nice about this is that it isn't just Samantha who thinks sex and her sexuality are important. Episodes similarly focus on the "goody two shoes" Charlotte's sexual needs and interests, ranging from her "addiction" to a vibrator to her difficulty with Trey's (husband #1) self-professed lack of interest in sex because of his erection problems. Pregnant Miranda craves sex, and all four women have and enjoy sex for themselves - not to keep men happy.

12) Emotionally abusive relationships are sexy and romantic. Carrie and Big. Enough said.