Fat Women in Tight Clothes

*This post was inspired by both fat shaming comments on facebook and this post here (more below).

Preface: Many of the links in this post are hate speech against fat people. I include them to "prove" fat phobia and provide examples. I also include them to make people angry. As well, some examples of fat phobia are included in this post, including examples which ridicule and minimize the beating of a woman because she was fat. Please take care of yourself in deciding on whether to access these links or read this post.

If you aren't yet "sold" on whether there is such a thing as fat phobia, I invite you to think about fat women wearing tight clothes.

In some people's minds (and these people actually take the time to write about this on the Internet), fat women are gross, unhealthy, piggish sluts with no self control.

A random search found this little gem on a body building website:

"Any female who is wearing Spandex, who is not of proportional weight and height as set forth by by EF members, will be guilty of a Felony in the 3rd degree. Punishment will be a fine of no less than $1,000 and/or a jail term of no less than 1 year."

One article which describes the beating of a woman because she was fat has the following comments by readers:

"Huh, that fight must have been a funny sight."

"I don't agree with what happened to this lady, no one should be abused for how they look, but on the other side people should know that its not ok to be fat. Smokers are giving [sic] evil stares for daring to stand on the public street and smoke in public view, why shouldn't fat people get the same treatment, its the same a disgusting addiction!"

"This abuse is dreadful and I hate this kind of fatist persecution. Nevertheless, Marsha [the victim of the hate crime] all the food and drinks fat people have eaten in their lives could have fed millions of starving kids and people around the world. Think of this next time you comfort eat on doughnuts, chocolate, sweets or a happy fatty meal."

"This is quite ridiculous - Whilst I do not in ANY way condone discrimination or abuse against anyone on the basis of how they look, it seems logical that people who are obese need to go on a strict diet and training regime in order to lose weight.
By adapting cinema seats, aircraft seats and restaurant places we are subconsciously re-enforcing the notion that it is healthy,"normal" and acceptable to be clinically obese. I am a strong advocate of shock therapy and tough love - maybe feeling ashamed and embarrassed might trigger these people to start doing some exercise,eat less and lose all that weight."

"She should lose weight for her own self respect."

"Obesity is caused through laziness and bad diet so it is easy for them to change this"

"Instead of working on a campaign to reduce weight discrimination, fatties should be working to reduce - weight."

People can't even condemn this attack without focusing on the features of the victim or using it as a "fat is unhealthy" platform. Fat people are even blamed for world hunger and name called - just as the victim was called fat phobic names before being assaulted.

While fat phobia certainly affects people of all genders, there seems to be a special hatred of fat women.

Women's bodies are already policed. How we dress is used as justification to sexually or verbally harass us; our reproductive rights and choices are debated, demonized and increasingly unavailable; we are deemed "frigid" or "slutty" depending on how we present ourselves or because of sexual decisions we make.

Women's bodies are also public property. We are told to smile. We are asked when we are going to have babies. Pregnant women's bellies are touched without permission. We are sexually assaulted, harassed, and humiliated by both strangers and (more oftenly) people we know and maybe even trust.

Sexism and fat phobia are inherently linked, and women marginalised through other oppressions (e.g. transmisogyny, racism, classism) often experience further body violations.

I started this post because I wanted people to think about how they view fat bodies. And I want to change within myself my own internalized fat phobia and sexism.

So I would like to end with two links to continue this self-reflection.

This one (briefly mentioned at the beginning) talks a thousand times more eloquently about the shaming and policing of fat women's bodies. In reading it, I feel sad for all of the women out there who hide parts of their bodies because fat phobia says that we must do so. But I also feel grateful for the resistance of fat women which has helped me to love my own stretch marks and those parts of my body which are soft and squishy.

And this one leaves me feeling joyful. I hope it provides joy to you, as well.

Gender and Language

I have always been a grammar keener. And one grammar rule I learned (in high school? university? I can't remember) is that one is never to mix plural and singular pronouns in writing.

That is, groups described in the plural form (e.g. students, people, children) must be accompanied with the plural "they" and people described in a singular form (e.g. student, person, child) must be used with the also singular "she or he".

It has been pointed out to me that this "rule" (when used for the singular she or he) contributes to the gender binary, assumes everyone is either male or female, and renders invisible people who identify as neither "she or he".

It has taken a long time for me to let this go. The idea of using the so-called plural "they" with the singular (e.g. person) would (and still does) make my grammar bells hurt my head.

But language is power and the language that we use can perpetuate and reinforce oppressions in society, including marginalizations based upon sex, gender identity, and so forth.

For instance, when we use male pronouns to refer to all people (e.g. mankind), we are rendering women invisible and considering males as "normative". (This is also called andro-centric language).

When we non-consensually third gender trans people (e.g. asking people if they are a woman, man or trans, or say things like "women, men and transpeople") we are assuming that all trans people do not consider themselves to be either female or male.

And when we use "she or he" we are assuming that all people are either female or male and render invisible people who are both or neither.

We do not have singular non-gendered pronouns in the English language, because our language both reflects and perpetuates oppression.

Many people in radical communities use non-gendered language like "hir" and "ze" or "zie" but these words are not used in common discourse. If I use these pronouns in writing at work, people will likely be confused. That doesn't mean I shouldn't use them (because using them creates awareness) but I do prefer wreaking grammar havoc by using "they" and "their" when referring to the singular. (E.g. "Every person responds to violence in their own way").

I am not yet 100% comfortable with this; I still have a lot of unlearning to do. But it's one small step.


See also:

Gender Neutral Pronouns: The Value of Zie
Gender Queer (wiki)
How Transgender Folk Are Fixing An Age Old Literary Problem
Musing On Smashing the Gender Binary
Nonconsensual Third Gendering
The Pronoun Question by Malic Moxie

Christmas

Christmas is booked for euthanasia on November 2nd. Losing any cat is very difficult, and I fiercely grieve each and every time. Christmas holds a very special place in my heart because she was our second kitty, who came into our lives shortly after Dee Dee.

Chris and I were thinking about Christmas the other day, as we wept about the hard decision we had to make. We remembered how she used to run up the wall (to the very top of doors!) and how on the first day we got her, she came to each person who was there and gave them a hug.

Christmas is our parrot cat, and loves to be on our shoulders. She loves high places and nuzzling.

Unfortunately, as her sickness has gotten worse, she is no longer playful and doesn't seek attention as much. I remember never getting sleep because she would want affection all night. She would knead my hair when I was trying to sleep and while it drove me nuts at the time, I would give anything (including all my sleep) to have this one last time.

Now she is lethargic and tired. She is very sick. But she still loves to be held like a baby. And she still (I think) loves attention although she no longer seeks it.

This post is a tribute to Christmas, who should have been in our lives for many, many more years.

When is it time to let go?

I write this because there is so little information on when to let go of our beloved companion animals and humanely euthanize. Sometimes vets are great at giving information, but most of the time it is up to us. (In fact, the best vets acknowledge how difficult this is to assess, because unlike many humans, animals cannot communicate how they are doing with words). So I offer what I have learned, for others, but also as a reminder to myself:

It's time to let go when...

* Pain is no longer manageable. This is very hard to assess and looks different in every animal. Sometimes animals communicate this to us by refusing to eat, stopping grooming or excessive grooming. Shadow had a tumour that was untreatable, and we had her on big time pain medications. We knew the medications were no longer working when she started licking the area of the tumour. If you aren't able to assess your companion animal's eating (e.g. if you have multiple animals), consider weighing your companion animal to ascertain weight loss. You can buy scales for animals online or ask your vet if you can come in and have them weigh the animal. If you only have one animal, check how much they eat and the litterbox.

* Quality of life has diminished. The animal may have difficulty moving or eating, or may hide. (Often animals in the wild will hide when they know the time has come to die). This too is really hard to ascertain, but my vet said it best: "Quality of life has diminished when there are more bad days than good days."

Because we see our companion animals every day it is difficult to assess changes. That is why the feedback of others who also know our companion animals is so valuable. Ask your vet, friends, family (etc) what changes they have noted. Weight change is difficult to assess when we see our animal every day but others may be able to provide feedback on this. (Or, once again, consider getting a special scale or do regularly weigh ins at the vet).

As human companions, it is our job (I believe) to let go when it is time and make the best decision for our loved ones. It isn't about our needs, but the animal's needs.

And I can't stress enough how important it is to be with your loved one when they are euthanized. I know not everyone is emotionally able to do this, but being there is so important in reducing their anxiety and stress. This is the final gift you can give your loved one.

Queer Anarchism

Queer anarchist analysis is an incredibly important tool to critique both Queer and anarchist communities and activism. As LGBTTIQQ celebrations and marches around the world become increasingly commodified with corporate sponsorship and/or entrance fees (the latter making events accessible only to those with class privilege), an anti-capitalist lens can truly radicalize Queer movements.

Here in Edmonton (Alberta), the 2009 Pride Parade was sponsored by TD Bank. While this in and of itself is problematic, I take the greatest issue with the renaming of the parade to the “TD Canada Trust Pride Parade”. Are we proud to be Queer or proud of TD? And what is this really about – TD being supportive of Queer rights or accessing a demographic that they feel may have some money to invest in their company? I would argue TD did this from a purely marketing point; they want more customers. If they weren't sponsoring Pride for this reason, they wouldn't need to make their presence so dominating.

The rebranding and commercialization of Edmonton Pride was addressed, in part, by the radical Queer Recruitment Army (QRA) who managed to actually march in the TD Canada Trust Pride Parade holding signs that read “Stonewall wasn't sponsored by TD” and “Our Pride is not for sale” and distributing anarcho-Queer bandanas. How we were able to do this without being booted is still a mystery to me (although one participant got shit from a Pride Week organizer and TD staff yelled at a few of us afterwards).

One QRA member also created and distributed a leaflet entitled “Our Pride Is Not For Sale: Why LGBTQ Pride Should Not Be Branded By Banks and Other Nasty Corporations.” The anarchists in the crowd were widely supportive of this leaflet; not too sure about others!

While I “get” capitalism and that big events cost money, I (like other members of the QRA) fail to see why “bigger is better” (a common belief of organizers of all sorts). Whether 10 or 1000 people come out to an event, the event is still important. Selling out Pride so that it can be bigger and more expensiveis not only unnecessary but counterproductive. Pride isn't about banks, money, acceptance by straight people or even necessarily having lots of people come out; it is about feeling good about ourselves and our diverse and awesome communities, and that doesn't need to cost any money at all!

Another problem that this push for acceptance and commercialization brings is the silencing of voices/people who are sometimes viewed as “too extreme” for straight people to accept. This problem has existed in Queer activist communities for decades; “acceptance” means we need to act just like straight and cisgendered people. This has led to the exclusion of trans communities, as well as others who don't conform to the “white picket fence ideal”. Don't be too sexy, too risqué, too different. Act just like straight and cisgendered people and maybe, just maybe they will stop oppressing us!

Queer Anarchism

Now, onto anarchism. Anarchists hold a wide variety of political ideologies ranging from labour rights, animal liberation, environmentalism, feminism, Queer activism, anti-racism and class war (and sometimes, all of the above!) For the most part, anarchists are opposed to governance by the state, capitalism and all other forms of oppression and hierarchy.

Anarchists operate from a collectivist, non-hierarchical framework, although how this actually plays out depends on various anarchist groups. That is, anarchists, just like everyone else, struggle with internalized racism, ableism, ageism, sexism, fat phobia, classism, homophobia, heterosexism, cissexism and transmisogyny/transphobia.

It is less of an issue that we all struggle with these internalised oppressions than it is how we deal with them. Are we doing solidarity work with marginalised groups, such as people with disAbilities, sex workers, Aboriginals, People of Colour and people who are LGBTTIQ, even when we are not members of these communities ourselves? Are we doing the anti-oppression research ourselves or expecting marginalised groups to educate us? Are we not only checking our privilege but actually doing something about it? I would argue that we need more than lip service to anti-oppressionism; we need action and solidarity.

I don't mean to come across as holier than thou. I too have fucked up, big time. I used the term “woman-born-woman” in an anarcha-feminist zine I created, which is derogatory against people who are trans. I failed to do my research, and I hurt people who are trans in the process.

I would like to see greater inclusion of LGBTTIQQ issues in anarchist communities beyond solidarity statements that “we oppose the oppression of people who are Queer” (although this is important, too). We need gender neutral bathrooms (for trans inclusion and to fight gender binarism). We need to attend events like Trans Memorial Days where trans communities mourn their dead. We need to participate in Pride events and read Queer blogs – without taking over. We need to support and create Queer anarchist groups to oppose heterosexist and transmisogynistic/transphobic oppression. We need to include transwomen in our “women only safe spaces”. And above all, we need to hear the voices of Queer communities and smarten the fuck up. (That means, drop the defenses and actually listen!)